that feeling

[migrated from livejournal]


it's nice to feel that feeling. but the question is, whether i am really certain about that feeling. it could probably be the other way around...

hahaay...self inflicted doubts...brought upon by my incessant urge to actually watch through 16 hours worth of _ _ _ _ _ _ flick. ive actually seen most of the episodes...but i just had to watch it over again. i started it...so i might as well finish.

anyway, at least, one thing was made certain. it is that future i want - and nothing else.

i just have to get some things settled and put out of the way in order for me to actually realize that future.

but it's not very far and i believe it wont be too hard for me to achieve that future. i know it wont be. hahahha...call it self conceited or what not.

it's just weird that those kind of shows have this effect on me. wait. i hope im not giving anyone the wrong idea here. it's not porn. it's way way way way way way less than that degree....it's just so weird. this feeling...

i used to feel it before...for someone but like i said. it can wait. rather, it should wait. i have some things i need to settle first before i can actually COMMIT. i've ascertained - not scientifically though - that, i won't be happy no matter what unless i've assured myself that i've tried and done my best to actually achieve that certain something that i want to get out of the way. i'm very sure that if i discovered that i've not given my all, then it would be something i'll regret. it will be something i'd carry with me for as long as time has not healed that wound.

it's just the way it is. some things have to be foregone for certain dreams. that's how life is. that's just the way it is.

oh well, i'm sleepy. i hope this feeling will have subsided when i wake up. but for the time being, i'll relish it.

i'm sure to sleep well. not because i've exhausted myself watching - but more like because this feeling is a positive feeling. it just swells inside.

i'm happy. thank them - thank the _ _ _ _ _ _ s for that.

i so want to be one of them