CH253: Somethings, Sometimes, Someone

Continuing on with the introspection from the previous post, as I told Angelo (sorry friend no cross linking on Blogger mobile lol), my impatience also extends to dating.

Maybe, maybe, maybe, part of the reason why on the apps, I rarely initiate any messaging is because - it's exhausting initiating small talk. I rarely go into long chats but mostly stop at saying thank you when given a compliment or say hi back and just not reply because there's been so much messages (I used to reply to all but stopped after a few days of having it in Singapore 4 years ago). It does seem callous and discourteous. But I don't say this with ego, since reinstalling the app when I became single a little over a year ago, I've had numerous messages come in. I was OC at first to make sure there wasn't a sign showing unread messages, but I got bored with the menial task, and now I've got ~2000 unread messages in one app.

But the point of that narrative just now, was because when I said impatience in dating, it probably related to being spoiled and getting what I want as I wrote in the previous entry. I reply to only those who seem interesting and interested because it's easier that way. No effort. No trying too hard. Everything has to be quick. Go into dating, you both like each other - go for it, commit, become exclusive yadah yadah. I lose interest (after much contemplation it isn't as much to do with pride) when I sense the other party's interest has waned. I say to myself, why go through the trouble.

I've given this much thought, because maybe I'm a romantic (hopeless), but after going out on a date which just coincided with valentines, I felt chemistry with someone and the Sparks just flew. But it wasn't like the previous ones with a magnetic reaction to just go and become steady. It's the first time for me to have to participate in "testing the water." And now I'm clueless. I like the other person enough to not be totally disinterested, but it opens up the idea, so does this mean there's a game at play? Someone seeing other people and moving the chess pieces one move at a time - eventually deciding the game then checkmate? Oh well, I asked the question and the answer just went along the lines of - let's not stick to labels or whatever for now and let's see how it goes. For a change, I'll be patient.

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Yesterday was a wonderful day at the beach. My close friend and I just chilled and hung out for 5 hours there. Thankfully, after a previous late night out consuming 3 glasses of gin and tonic as well as 5-6 glasses of pure blonde, and with very little sleep, I didn't get a hang over. I'm attributing this feat to age given in a little over a month, I'll be one year away from 30!

We had lots of fun jumping into the water! Starting off in the pontoon for smaller jumps and building up to the higher one. I say building up because I had to be patient with my friend as she tried and succeeded in overcoming her fears of jumping. :) It was easier being patient on this front.

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Talk of change, while walking back home earlier, I was excited to realize that the state of happiness and contentment that had dawned on me when I was in Europe is still alive here in Sydney! :) I tried to think why after my volunteer work at the Sydney Mardi Gras Film Festival do I still feel this way, and I realized that I'm free.

I'm free from feeling secure and protected. I'm simply free - To be myself, to do what I want (within the bounds of law), to just live my life. Now it would be a scary thought not being secure and protected but I have permanent residency here in Australia as a safety net. My decisions are my decisions because I want to try and am very open to trying new things.

A first would be working at a Chinese restaurant part time! It was surprisingly enjoyable. How did this happen? I simply went to the restaurant my close friend part times in and the auntie there asked me if I was interested. Thinking it will be unexpected, I said yes. It pays well for 3.5 hours of work - plus they feed you haha. It put a smile on my face when my mom (I heard it in her voice) found it amusing and surprising that I did well and enjoyed waiting tables, taking take away orders on the phone and helping out in the kitchen and floor area. In this sense, I was free from the protective prejudice my parents would have had if I told them I'd work in let's say jolibee or McDonald's to earn extra money when I was studying. If I was still in Uni and I suggested that so I can have extra cash, I believe they would have just increased my allowance. Hmm actually the thought never occurred to me to work part time to get extra money back in college. I simply had to ask and use the trump card statement "my siblings went to more expensive schools compared to UPD."

Another change I noticed earlier was that I'm less introverted than I was before. I wouldn't normally want to be around strangers, but when I was helping people queue in the film festival, I was comfortable chatting up random strangers in queue and making conversation. I didn't mind wearing a bright pink outfit for volunteers of the festival. I didn't mind standing outside the cinemas collecting voting slips and smiling at totally random strangers and genuinely telling them to have a good night on their way home. My old self would have been exhausted being all preppy, but I did that because I was there as a volunteer. It's not my cause I'm there for, it's the festival's. Traveling brought this out of me. When you travel, you immerse yourself in the ways of the country you're visiting. You become a chameleon and adapt to the environment. It's not being plastic or hypocritical. It's just adjusting the traits you already have. Everyone has a natural affinity to something and distinct personalities, but it doesn't mean we have to box ourselves in. The important thing is to try and experience. Because through experience, we get opinion.  And through experience, we discover things we might have said we couldn't but actually could.

I see my permanent residency as an investment (given how expensive it was ... Relatively) and I can see how I'm reaping its benefits so far. I feel so at home in Australia. Not to say anything negative against Singapore or the Philppines - but Australia is home now. 

.... Although Australian PR was easier to get than SG PR (in my case, i.e. Profession) so maybe I have foreclosed SG too early. No regrets!

CH252: An Introspective Digression

After my trip around the US and Europe a couple of months back, I saw within myself a change that I was more laid back. In comparison to being hot headed fresh out of college and looking to be in a rush to climb the corporate ladder. In certain events during my trip like when I lost my iPAD when i left it in the train toilet...I was rushing out to get off my stop because the train was going to Ventimiglia after. Italian trains are on time. Well I didn't really mind losing the iPad. I was quickly over it after I spoke with my mom about it.

Digressing. Anyway, since arriving in Sydney, I realized I'm still a bit hot headed and easily impatient. Just a week and a half into living here, the pressure had built up for me to find a job and get settled in. I have to force myself out of the zone of thinking about it to be able to relax. I could be enjoying myself, going to museums, having fun, relaxing, but my natural instinct had been to situate myself in a position of being here for a few months without a job. It's not as if the recruiters and companies will work according to my schedule, so I've been bound by other people's schedule and somehow the impatience just grows.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing to create a stressful and high pressure environment for me to strive harder. I've applied to multiple jobs not directly related to what I do just to be able to put up a cushion in case the layers of comfort I've submitted my applications to fall through. My mind plays a situation where I put myself in a situation that I've failed. I know this feeing before when I left my job in HP during the height of the US (and global) recession to take a break and learn the lesson and desperation of being unemployed. Maybe I was traumatized by that experience so I'm reliving worst case scenarios in my head.

So as I've introspected, I figured that the only reason I am the way I am now is because for the most part of my life, I got the things I wanted and aspired for. I got high honors in school because I studied hard and worked for it. I wanted to go around the globe in 42 days so I saved up for it and traveled...although this one was partially enabled by my mom who so graciously cushioned my expenses and even gave me emergency money. I wanted to move out of SG and migrate to Australia permanently, so I did. There have been so many things I wanted and thought to have needed and attained, that the concept of begging for a job to be able to settle in Australia has become a situation outside my comfort zone.

I did play the situation in my head before I moved and felt mentally I was well prepared. Maybe I am or was, but not to the extent I imagined.

But now I'm here, there are no regrets or thoughts of wanting to leave or feeling like I made the wrong choice. I'm excited actually of what comes after I find a job because then I'll be free to navigate my life with security...which then comes to full circle with me getting what I wanted after overcoming the obstacle of finding a job.

So...as i digressed, I guess it brings about the reality that dreams do come true after all...with hard work. But I tend to underestimate stuff and I feel for the most part, I haven't worked hard enough to have gotten the things I dreamt of.

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Also, worth sharing, I've been reading the Velvet Rage by Alan Downs. And here's an interesting passage from the book with regards to passion.

"Passion is the repeated experience of joy in doing something. When one discovers passion, it is usually because an activity seems to produce joy each time it is performed. Normally, there is a diminishing return on the joy associated with an activity. Not so when passion is present. The activity produces a surprising and satisfying amount of joy, again and again.

"Passion is a meta-emotion-an emotion that is felt only after observing other emotions over time. Passion is present when you observe that the same activity consistently brings you joy."

CH242: Shifting Perspectives

There is only exactly 1 month (31 days in this case) before I fly back to Manila for a few days - then my adventure in Europe begins ... continuing it to the US then back to Manila for what I would say, my longest stay in Manila since coming to Singapore...before I eventually fly off to the land down under.

Nothing much has changed I guess on my end with regards to anticipating and feeling excited. Being excited for Europe, Australia,and everything is at the back of my mind. Before I flew with my ex before to London, I was accused of being nonchalant about the trip and the experience. I only felt excited the day before the flight. I guess, it has to do with not feeling so high only to feel low when it doesn't happen or push through? Is there logic to that? Right now, I've been busy with work. I work in a secure site as well and access to internet is restricted - no smartphones allowed for external staff - so yeah, work.

-----
To some of the people at work who learned I would be resigning or that I have "tendered" (the verb I've been hearing around), after hearing that I will be moving to Australia, their first question is so you've found work? And it sort of became redundant and feeling a bit like a broken record to say that no, it's too early to look for work at this time since I will be taking a break from working.

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One friend of mine messaged me several weeks back: "Wow! I'm really surprised you're leaving Singapore considering how well you are doing there."

So what's the point of this entry? With my answers and how I went about this exit from Singapore, it made me realize that, there seems to have been a shift in perspective. I've had 4 projects/works here in Singapore in the span of 3 years 10 months. Prior to that I had 2 jobs in the Philippines in the span of 2 years 9 months. In Singapore, my reasons for changing jobs were job security, higher pay, better package, more stable, better working environment, challenging, etc. But now, there's simply no reason at the moment for me to take this break...this sabbatical before I fly off to Sydney...other than because I want to so I will.

Whatever happened to the old me concerned about all the reasons I listed down to justify changing jobs (which were all on a contract basis i.e. not permanent or regular)? I'm guessing (as I'm not 100% sure yet - only time will tell) I just got tired of partying, traveling, working and just making money and just living the Singapore life. I feel I'm ready to settle down (not get married) but to really set up roots in a place I will fall in love with (with or without someone else - that's a different matter haha). There's no anger or resentment with Singapore for not giving me PR the first time I tried or with the companies I worked for - for not offering regular employment. I feel like I'm leaving Singapore because the adventure has run its course (a lot earlier than I had planned which was to stay for at least 5 years), and for me to stay longer will just chip away the hopes I have of achieving the dreams I dream of. So, despite the luxuries and comforts I can accord myself here, I don't think I'll ever truly be happy knowing I can be happier and live my dreams elsewhere.

It will be sad to leave very good friends in Singapore. It will be scary to make the transition and starting over. It will be down right terrifying. But, I've let go and I am letting go. Right now I'm free falling with indifference, straight faced. I sometimes feel people may think I'm not that excited to leave or travel when I answer because I don't answer with as much enthusiasm as I should. But it's still a long way to go...i haven't even thought about whether from this free fall, I'll crash or hit the ground running.

CH208: After The Fact

I tweeted just now - " A breath of fresh air comes in paying off your bills (credit card) and seeing a mail notification that your leaves have been approved." Following the entry CH207: Ostracized, I just realized that with all the complaints and rants I've put out and even expressed to my family with regards to the jobs I've been getting here in Singapore, in retrospect, there should have been more thanks and less bitching about.

I've been mostly complaining how I feel under utilized or how I am not growing at the rate I had imagined or had wanted to when I signed the contract for my employments. Thinking about it, had it been the other way around, then I wouldn't have been able to go on long leaves (to the US for ~1 month, to NZ for 2-3 weeks, to the UK for ~2 weeks and to all the other places I've been to since coming here in Singapore).

That is so "millenial" of me! I'm embarassed to admit it but that's the truth. For that, since I'm planning a visit to the La Sagrada Familia, might as well offer my prayer of thanks in my dream church destination. I hope that as I turn 28 and older, that I become more mature in being able to step outside of myself and be more clear headed with things that directly concern me like career, love life (lol), family, friends etc.

Well, the birthday is not till over a month a way, but after all that I bitched about and felt sad about not being where I had hoped to be, I can't help but feel I wasted so much emotion when there shouldn't have been any need to. I guess, I wouldn't be where I am now in terms of state of mind had I not forced myself to go through those emotional rides and sulking hahaha. But yes, I'm thankful after the fact that not having such a stressful and time demanding work has given me more time to see the world.

Saying that, I'm happy my parents are supportive of my decisions to travel. In fact, although they didn't say "Go see the world and travel!," they've never been you shouldn't do this or you shouldn't do that. They don't tell me, oh that trip will be expensive don't go and just save your money. (Although my mom does remind me frequently to save and not spend on what I don't need). They don't tell me to stop traveling and just send some money home to help out or invest it in property. They don't tell me things now that I think some of the people I know do get from their family/parents.

I'm thankful after the fact that I am more appreciative of my parents and family. I'm thankful after the fact that I'm closer to my family after moving and finding independence and "freedom" (of all sorts) in Singapore. I'm thankful after the fact that my family regard me as responsible and allow me the freedom to do the things I love or want to do (I never heard them pull me back to not doing my Bungee in NZ or Skydiving in San Diego). I'm thankful for a lot of things after they've happened.

If anything, for when I turn 28 (although I might as well say it now), I wish that I can be more thankful and appreciative of the graces that come my way before the fact and not after.

CH167: Philippine Elections 2013

It feels odd and freeing at the same time how I come to a realization that I don't feel as opinionated about the recent elections (and as of the moment, partial unofficial results). Perhaps it's because I didn't get to register for absentee voting? Perhaps it's because I feel disenfranchised that I don't think I really deserve or have the right to vote. It's not apathy like before but I can see the difference in mindset from below and before: CH47: White Noise.

Right to suffrage is a democratic right. But I enjoy being in a vantage to just observe, analyse and keep quiet.

Like with the Nancy Binay issue. Before the election, and given that I don't really get to read or watch much Philippine news, I had it in mind that she'd make it in. I don't really understand why there's so much hate going on in Facebook about how they can't fathom someone as unqualified as her to get in. It's obvious. History repeats itself. We vote actors, convicted criminals (ERAP), adulterers, gamblers, drug users/dealers (Singson), and other sorts into office. Yes, I said we because, we are after all, in a democracy.

Yes, the Philippines is undergoing change - to call it renaissance would be appropriate in my opinion. I didn't vote for Aquino during the last election. I voted for Teodoro. I thought during that time that I was cheated and people (the rest of the Filipinos I differentiated myself from) made a wrong choice. But, a year or two after, and when changes and the results started coming in economic upturns and policies promoting positive pushes for the Philippines, I went back and said to myself, maybe Aquino does deserve a chance and he's living up to the expectations the majority voted for.

Chance and change. So my mindset for the current senatorial results (and also disbelief that Erap won the Manila elections) - is that, despite the results looking like a joke. Let's give the people voted for a chance to prove people wrong. Yes, we can argue that the Filipino never truly learned its lesson and that history just keeps on repeating itself. But, I thought I said the same when Aquino won, but I was proven wrong.

Chance doesn't come often to enact change. True change doesn't happen in an instant in this reality of ours. Change takes time to come to fruition. And only time will tell if the Philippine Elections 2013 was good or bad choice made by the Filipino people.

Yes, the Filipino people. ALL of US. Basing on what I see on my News Feed, I can see the need of some of the people in my network to express their disdain with the results and try and separate themselves from the majority that made the choice "Filipino, di na natuto" (Filipino, never learned). Or some say, "This election is a joke." I can understand the frustrations of some of them, but the point of the matter is, one's version of right is different from the others. Not everyone has access to information as most of us. Stop blaming the uneducated voters and trying to create a divide.

Democracy entails an inclusive growth. Give the Philippines more time to change. I'm quite positive it will come as it has.

CH127: Window Sill

Over glasses of gin tonic, we sat beside each other on your window sill.

Several kisses. Several nothingness. Several long held eye contacts.

Several embraces. Several cheers.

We watched X-factor Philippines, Britain's got talent and all sorts of other stuff.

We searched for "our" song. Your Song. Heaven. One and Only.

There were so much more we found and yet to discover.

By your window sill, we got drunk on the bombay sapphire gin tonic mix i made.

By the window sill looking over the condominium pool.

By the window sill were we didn't care if anybody was looking up at us.

By the window sill, we made love.

By the window sill, we confessed to each other.

By the window sill, we said our ILYs.

CH126: Change Status

Backtrack: ch125-chemical-reaction

I don't really believe in "ligaw" or "courtship" - if everything feels right, then go for it.

If both parties are ready. If everything feels natural. Nothing is forced. The conversation flows. The body languages sync and complement. If there's the spark and electricity in every kiss. If you can "not talk" and just communicate through each other's eyes. If you can give up a bad habit for someone - just because. If even after several lunch dates, it's always a fresh meeting. If after every sleep-over you don't feel like a whore - but a lover (LOL - jk). If after everything else you can think of, there's still that one person there - Sharing your sentiments. Feeling what you're feeling. Appreciating everything about you. Enveloping you in their presence.

Mutually Exclusive.

CH117: Social Calendar

Time is going by so fast here in Singapore. Weekly, it seems that I just wake up Friday, and go like "F*CK! Where did the week go? It's Friday!" With so much going on, so much happening, dragon boat training - and, uhm, work - sometimes I feel like, I'm so living in the now, I don't even realize the NOW just became the THEN. Pages and pages just seem to flip by. I find myself having to schedule meetups a week before. (meetups - as in with friends, "etc"). Or sometimes, sacrifice some sleep, have last minute cancellations just to provide the dynamism a 20 year old me needs. Like, yes, I'd forego an early Sunday morning dragonboat training - when I wake up some place other than my place - like uhm, a friend's house after a late night out? Hahaha

CH115: Silhouette

Press play, fast forward

Nonstop, we have the beaten path before us

It was all there, in plain sight

Come on people, we have all seen the signs

And we will never get back to

To the old school

To the old grounds, it's all about the newfound

We are the newborn, the world know all abouts

(We are the future and we're here to stay)

We've come a long way since that day

And we will never look back, at the faded silhouette

...

Straight ahead on the path we have before us

Day by day, soon the change will come

Don't you know we took a big step forward

Just lead the way and we pull the trigger

Now, we will never get back to

To the old school

To the old grounds, it's all about the newfound

We are the newborn, the world know all abouts.

(We are the future and we're here to stay)

A lot of things has happened since I turned 25. Much of the things I believe are for the better - in terms of personal outlook and way of thinking. I believe I am a better person now than I was a year and so back

CH104: Lost Innocence

Innocence lost. What was gained?

****
The other day, while walking from Orchard MRT, I passed by a guy taller than me. My thought was, I wish I was taller... But then I realized to my left was a guy over a foot smaller. And my thought was, thank God I'm not that short.

I took back that thought and apologized because why is it that in order to feel good about ourselves and thankful for what we have, sometimes (most times?) we have to see how bad other people have it? Is it innate to humans? Does everything we have need to be benchmark-ed?

Do we have to see the negative in order to appreciate the positive things that we have?

"Magpasalamat ka at nakapagaral ka, marami diyan gusto makapagaral pero walang pera."
"Magpasalamat ka at nakakakain ka ng masasarap na pagkain, karamihan sa atin, toyo nalang inuulam."
"Magpasalamat ka at nakakasuot ka ng mga branded na damit, marami diyan umaasa lang sa bigay or mga pulot."
"Magpasalamat ka at may maganda kang trabaho na kumikita, marami paring walang trabaho."

I'm still trying to reconcile the thoughts on how to be thankful and just that without having the thoughts of other people having it bad. It goes back to the question of equality. Was the world intended to be a place where inequality is rooted? Or did inequality come to fruition because of what mankind made of the world?
****

CH101: To The 20 Something

Is it just me, or for some reason, there's been a sudden awareness -and consciousness even- on the 20 something generation.

Here's an article from Star: "To the twentysomething who wants to change the world" . Several weeks before that, there were articles from Thought Catalog on some reminders on how to enjoy your life as a twenty something.

The article did hit something in me. It got me into a contemplative mood and well, a bit depressed:

"The truth is, you will never be as passionate as your Fresh Grad self ever again. Make that passion last as long as you can. I don’t want to be dramatic, but really, that sparkle? Once it’s gone, you can never take it back. Oo, parang virginity lang."  

I realized that despite all the good things that have happened in my life, it only filled in certain aspects of my life that might as well serve to cover up the other important things that matter - but not as much really - but enough to feel the void once you notice what's missing.

I have to be honest though, that some aspects meant to force a realization in the article, are stuff I already realized before. I didn't find it hard to find a job after graduation and was welcomed immediately in the arms of HP (I started working 12 days before I graduated). Working in HP was well, sort of okay at the start. But as the ramp-ups continued and more accounts were transitioned, we were over worked, under-manned, and let's just say, I've never told anyone in HP before as it remained within the family - I got sick. Not sick enough to not report to work - but seriously sick like in the blood. I won't elaborate on it.

Aside from getting sick, I got burnt out. -which is why I took a sabbatical (resigned) after working for 1 year 9 months. A self-imposed sabbatical to force me to experience what it was like to be unemployed. Doing that amid the global recession, well, hell yeah I found it hard to find another work. I forced myself to feel the helplessness that the article from Star touched on. I forced myself to know what it was like not having a "convenient" life of monthly salaries. I forced myself to learn what I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I did what I did to experience a mistake early on - to prevent it from happening again. I felt complacent but not in control.

It was a good and humbling experience. It forced me to realize what I wanted to do in life. After all, I was not the one who chose my course in college - my parents did and I let them. Aside from the burn out I experienced in HP, I thought then that I wasn't living my life as if I was the one driving it. I think it felt like I was being remotely controlled - to keep the metaphor going.

CH100: 2 Years in Pics

Since some pictures are popping up fresh into the News Feed in Facebook due to some friends striding down memory lane, I think it's a good time to refresh myself on the things that have been. My weight's journey from then to now.

It's been an awesome journey! In all honesty, I don't think I would have lost any weight had I not gone to Singapore for work. Living in Manila was too convenient for me. Driving is a huge factor, and the kind of work available (which was mostly SAP Basis SUPPORT) was the one that required shifting. Also add to that how my mom is not really fond of cooking for two (just her and me) so we mostly had take out dinners. Not really Jollibee or McDonalds, but I think if I remember correctly, she mostly bought take out from North Park, Gloria Maris (The Block), the japanese restaurants in Trinoma.

I have no qualms against Jollibee or Mcdonalds, but I told my mom since she used to (frequently) buy our dog takeout from those restaurants, that I'd like to have something else the dog was not having. Eventually though she toned it down and started buying our dog takeout from St. Pedro or the other Baliwag/Andoks-like franchise. She just buys from Jollibee or Mcdo for special occasions for our dog who I got the honor of naming Tonton (but my mom started calling him Tonsky).

Let's start it off with July 2010 ...

July 2010

Aug 2010

Oct 2010

Dec 2010

Jan 2011

 

CH98: Dramarama & Independence Day

"People create their own drama ..."


After writing down the previous entry, I've been feeling like there's a void of boredom in me. Since everything feels as it should be, I feel as if there's something missing. And I realize, it's the drama, the heart-flinching brouhaha that's missing.



[addendum]
Dose of light drama for the day:
Person 1: Haha our conversation suddenly became flirting. :) No complaints here
Person 2: :) I know ... But I dont know how to say it. Better say it early than later. I am in a relationship
Person 1: I had a feeling, but at least the cat is out of the bag
Person 2: I hope I did not upset you much
Person 1: I wasn't after a relationship :)
Person 2: Which cat? and which bag?
Person 1: Your cat and your bag
Person 2: As I can tell from the past 15 minutes of our conversation, you are a relationship material :)
[addendum]
Recall: Chapter 88


Most of the memorable dramatics that has happened in my life are within a closed circle - of friends, family and self. Maybe, I was overprotected? I never got to experience being held up, getting into a fight (only once when I was in grade school and I had a black eye for a week), never been stricken with illness that would require hospitalization or whatever telenovela-ish incident (several knocks on wood). I need the drama, the action in my life to make me feel - well, human and alive. "Necesito sentir vivo otra vez"

CH97: Rediscoveries

Rediscover 1

Because of reading the 50 Shades Series, I rediscovered my love for Nelly Furtado's song. Particularly, this song which Christian Grey put in the IPad he gave to Anastasia Steele as part of his apology for "what happened." It has been pretty much on loop when I was reading the series and after and I had to search my music archive to look for Nelly's album - which I unfortunately deleted. Fortunately, the connection at home is fast and Nelly's The Best of album was easily downloaded. Anyway, I digress.

My fondness of the song was fueled further because of the context by which the (fictional) character Christian Grey proffered  to Ana. It did get me teary-eyed when I was reading the part of the book where they were under present terms - "cool off" - while the song was on repeat. But again, I digress.

What I particularly like about Nelly F's music before was that it sounded altogether different yet pop. She emerged during a time where most of the artist available in mainstream are cookie cutter types. There was a different edge to her voice as well, it was unique as her sound was. Remembering how I came to like her would be comparing it to how I first heard Lady Gaga. But Nelly F emerged around the time when the Internet was not as proliferated as it is now - so I guess her success was overshadowed by Lady Gaga partly because of that. But then again, they are a decade apart.

Rediscovery 2


Getting on with my Nelly F rediscovery, I became reacquainted again with one of my favorite Nelly songs - Shit on the Radio (Remember the Days). Upon hearing it from the album I downloaded, it instantly became an earworm (again). Base on the definition of earworm or last song syndrome, they usually occur because one can relate to the lyrics of a song or there's a particularly formula of sound waves and frequency which appeal to people in general. But I think it's more of the lyrics, particularly the chorus.

I  remember the days when I was so eager to satisfy you
And be less then I was just to prove I could walk beside you
Now that I've flown away I see you've chosen to stay behind me
And still you curse the day I decided to stay true to myself

Why?

CH95: Ho-me(i)-ly

Homely
Theres a noticeable change that's in the air in Manila. Im happy and hopeful for my country to push on forward towards change. In the 5 months that I've been gone (from my last visit -January), I'm happy to feel at home. Although still behind, I'm pretty sure that the wheels are turning and soon enough we'll find the Philippines "competing globally" like how Singapore is now.

Rush hour traffic is still there though. I didn't drive through EDSA enough to notice if the conditions have indeed changed for the better. Although, I should note that there were less "encounters" with buses. I think the scheme to change and revamp the salary scheme for the drivers and conductors is effective. Now, if only the city mayors can do something about the Jeepney drivers. After all, what use are decongested highways if the exit roads are clogged up. Traffic flow I think could also be further improved if they make designated drop-off and pick-up points for commuters. Although, that aspect will be harder since it's the mindset and discipline of people that needs to be changed.

Overall, despite my being an Aquino critic, I appreciate his efforts to introduce change in the country. Although, I must say here though, that I didn't like the way his team handled the impeachment. It did seem like the government's resources were used in order to find evidences against ex-Chief Justice Corona. But, that's past now, and I'll leave it to the historians to write their records.

CH89: Plan Ahead or Ahead of Plan?

I posted on my Facebook and Twitter about a week back about how I managed to get one of the 300 slots for the Silver Fern Job Search Visa in New Zealand.

NZ, yearly, opens 300 doors for would be migrants. The visa, once you get a slot, allows you to submit evidences to prove your claims. Once you qualify (qualifications are more lenient than their Skilled Migrant to Resident visa), you get to have a visa that lets you go in and out of NZ for a period of 9 months to look for work.

Once you find a job there, you qualify for a Silver Fern Practical Experience Visa which will allow you to work in NZ for two years. And from there, you can apply for a Skilled Migrant to Resident visa - or have your company sponsor you. But, the 2 years spent working in NZ will earn you higher creds/points to better qualify for the Skilled Migrant visa (and the 2 years spent in NZ I believe is credited to the 5 years minimum residency requirement to become a citizen - so you're in a way PR if you get the Skilled Migrant visa).

CH87: Fangs

My former colleagues laud me for my proficiency in crafting e-mails. They say I can undertone a bitch reply without it seeming like so (minus the explicits). Or I can put down somebody in the email to prove a point - without being "hey-fucker-get-your-act-together" obvious.

Today, after getting this email:

"I have checked R4ChaRM and R3ChaRM. The retrofit system setup is wrong.

The current setting means from R4 to R3. Logical component should be put in R3ChaRM no[t] in R4ChaRM."

My right eye-brow did it's familiar reflex...

We've had a lot of meetings already on how the setup will be performed. The guy who sent me an email already had a heated argument with one of my senior on this. And, it pissed me that it seemed like a back of the hand slap to receive an email after doing the work when in all the discussions he never did insist on his point. (Prior to this he raised a point to include several setting parameters to an activity I completed over the weekend. He could have brought it up before I started!) 

My reply (to-all) to his emial went like:

CH86: Work Is What It Is

After two weeks of working on a project, you know whether it will work or not.
Bill Budge
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_work.html#PtcaarOMBijy7zxt.99
------
So, by tomorrow EOB, I will have worked for IBM Singapore under the BHP Billiton for 2 weeks.
Here's a quickie information about BHP from Wiki.


"BHP Billiton is an Anglo-Australian multinational mining, oil and gas company headquartered in Melbourne, Australia and with a major management office in London, United Kingdom. It is the world's largest mining company measured by 2011 revenues and as of February 2011 was the world's third-largest company measured by market capitalisation.


I've only worked for 2 weeks, but there's already work piling up. I didn't even get to experience some adjustment period. Since my second day at work, I was assigned to perform some patching, post configurations and add-on installations on a system that's under the Build Phase. The work for it is not finished yet as there are documentations to be performed after. The work landed on my plate as the person assigned is on leave in India and I've worked with the one who assigned it before for a different project (also under IBM).

Just this week, I was assigned to work on an Oracle upgrade. I'm halfway through the 130 page document. I had to put it on hold because the "root" access to the server is not yet provided.

CH84: Hey You

\

I was honest enough to stay true and open a letter (scheduled to be read on) for the 11th of April. Thankfully, in my new work, I'm already loaded - as in doing productive things - so I had time to distract myself from a letter itching to be opened.

In other news. I turned 26 the other day. If my 25th year was spent on conquering fears and pushing myself further, for my 26th, my mantra is: "If I need to think of a reason not to do something, then I should probably do it. Minimize excuses." Just do it in short. Or the tagalized version, Go lang ng Go.

***Start Composition

So, hey! It's me. Thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to craft up something personal. Thank you for the presents. It's not often that I get such sweet surprises. I was asked by someone what I like about you and it took me some time to answer. I thought of your face, your eyes, your lips, your everything - and the only answer I could come up with was, there's just this chemistry. It's not explainable in the sense that it's not quantifiable nor qualifiable for me. It's either that - or I'm just not good with words when it comes to you. Or perhaps, I was being guarded by nature.

CH83: Dip and Dive

If a stranger came knocking on your door, what would you do?

A raven came knocking at Robert Frosts' door. Was it by random chance? Or was it preordained? How would you know when to welcome a stranger? Do they bring harm or good?

Chance. Gamble. That's the thrill of playing the game - the game of life? Or perhaps the other four letter L word. Lust is it?

You came knocking and I took the dive. The plunge was initially warm then gradually cold as the distance grew , and time moved forward, but I stood still. My grip became loose and I almost lost you.

But as I confessed, was it my lacking? When do you know if the game is lost and you've gambled too much away? How do you know if you've lost when you haven't gambled anything? Do you just go all-in, or do you check and bet - poker face?

Perhaps not all games are meant to be played with strategy. Some games are better played one step at a time. As the saying goes, live life one day at a time, one hour at a time? One minute at a time? One second at a time? The devil is in the details.

For now, I wait. The fire is rekindled stronger. I know what I want. I know the price to pay. I know what it would be like to lose. I know.

So, after the initial dive. I dip my toes in to test the waters. You thread lightly in this game. You do