CH208: After The Fact

I tweeted just now - " A breath of fresh air comes in paying off your bills (credit card) and seeing a mail notification that your leaves have been approved." Following the entry CH207: Ostracized, I just realized that with all the complaints and rants I've put out and even expressed to my family with regards to the jobs I've been getting here in Singapore, in retrospect, there should have been more thanks and less bitching about.

I've been mostly complaining how I feel under utilized or how I am not growing at the rate I had imagined or had wanted to when I signed the contract for my employments. Thinking about it, had it been the other way around, then I wouldn't have been able to go on long leaves (to the US for ~1 month, to NZ for 2-3 weeks, to the UK for ~2 weeks and to all the other places I've been to since coming here in Singapore).

That is so "millenial" of me! I'm embarassed to admit it but that's the truth. For that, since I'm planning a visit to the La Sagrada Familia, might as well offer my prayer of thanks in my dream church destination. I hope that as I turn 28 and older, that I become more mature in being able to step outside of myself and be more clear headed with things that directly concern me like career, love life (lol), family, friends etc.

Well, the birthday is not till over a month a way, but after all that I bitched about and felt sad about not being where I had hoped to be, I can't help but feel I wasted so much emotion when there shouldn't have been any need to. I guess, I wouldn't be where I am now in terms of state of mind had I not forced myself to go through those emotional rides and sulking hahaha. But yes, I'm thankful after the fact that not having such a stressful and time demanding work has given me more time to see the world.

Saying that, I'm happy my parents are supportive of my decisions to travel. In fact, although they didn't say "Go see the world and travel!," they've never been you shouldn't do this or you shouldn't do that. They don't tell me, oh that trip will be expensive don't go and just save your money. (Although my mom does remind me frequently to save and not spend on what I don't need). They don't tell me to stop traveling and just send some money home to help out or invest it in property. They don't tell me things now that I think some of the people I know do get from their family/parents.

I'm thankful after the fact that I am more appreciative of my parents and family. I'm thankful after the fact that I'm closer to my family after moving and finding independence and "freedom" (of all sorts) in Singapore. I'm thankful after the fact that my family regard me as responsible and allow me the freedom to do the things I love or want to do (I never heard them pull me back to not doing my Bungee in NZ or Skydiving in San Diego). I'm thankful for a lot of things after they've happened.

If anything, for when I turn 28 (although I might as well say it now), I wish that I can be more thankful and appreciative of the graces that come my way before the fact and not after.