Tuesday, June 24, 2008

CH07: A rude awakening

A lot can happen in a week.
Not being self centered - but with the weight of the things that have happened the past week - the world has lost its bearing somehow.
Out of place. Forcing me to question...I need to get away - somehow. Symptom of burn out. -> Forgetfulness. I hate it. Shit.

Still smiling though. Defense mechanism.

I entered this world equipped with a knife. After all - they said it was cut throat.
"Look whose throat is cut now."

Now this is what I'd call - a rude awakening.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

CH06: Life as a self-supporting student.

[migrated from livejournal]

So so.

So busy!
For the past week. I had 3 days of shadowing Asia (7am - 4pm) - and I am proud to say, not one late! Now, that's a feat for someone who's been leaving the house for the last 3 years of college 5-15 minutes before class...and arriving in class (0-15 minutes late) - it depends on the heavy the traffic is/was. Then, 3 days of shadowing EMEA (3pm - 12mn), and, not one late as well. Well, I was late for about 10 minutes in our training last friday (well, sorry, I came home late from the late night shuttle) but to say the least, I was already in RSC before the 3pm start.

After 6 days straight of shadowing/working - Sunday (today) arrives, and I have a review in 7 hours. A review that will run for 9 hours (inclusive of breaks) and will culminate with a mock exam in the evening. (3 hours? - im not sure). Then come monday, my supposed day off - but what have I got planned for that day? Studying. Hitting the powerpoint presentations. Reviewing different transaction codes for SAP, as well as commands in unix...blah blah. I will be having an exam this coming thursday - Duty Manager exam for HP. (heart beats faster - hahaha). With all the trainings we've undergone...oh shucks. Burn out.

Then come Tuesday evening, I will start shadowing for the NA shift (11mn - 8am) till Saturday 8am. Then come June 16...I will no longer a be trainee. I will be starting 7 straight days of EMEA shift work...hohoho. I'm losing my social life.

Well, this isn't a rant post whatsoever. But, I just gained a new perspective on how hard it really is to be a....

"Oh diba. Sa kakasabi ko sa inyo mga T'gangers na self-supporting ako...totoo naman!"
Well, the only difference with other self-supporting students, the work I'm doing is more mentally draining than it is physical. (I'm assuming that most self-supporting students go to work as service crews)....

So having dawned on the reality that I am now a self-supporting student till the board exam finishes - (I REALLY PRAY I PASS. PLEASE LORD BLESS ME THIS OPPORTUNITY. PLEASE.)...I realized how opportunities in our country have now become a privelege.

I'll be missing a lot of review classes because of a shifting schedule...NO - I am not a call center agent (hahaha - defensive - but it's a natural mechanism against false assumptions), but my chosen career path is called - BASIS ENGINEER / ADMINISTRATOR. (I hear it earns. hyukhyukhyk. "secret nalang natin kung gaano talaga kalaki ang eventual earning"). Anyway, I have already planned on how to work around this. During my OH (office hour week - which isnt really an office hour week because there are as much days off as there are office hour -flex time- days. 4 is to 3) I will try to study as much as I can from the materials being given by excel as well as from the books I plan to buy...hmmm...later?...

I guess, it is true - what they say - that your life as a student will never end - unless you choose it to be -OR NOT. I thought I chose to stop being a student - but lo and behold. Well, I have accepted it since I knew going into IT would really mean a lot more mental exercise trying to absorb all the different concepts and solutions to IT problems (SAP, OS - unix/windows, database - oracle/sql)

I just hope and pray that there will be no complications with this work around. I have been planning this. I thought to myself that I should wait for a regularity in my schedule before taking the review seriously. For the past 1 month and so so days (turning 2 months come June 16), I had trainings here and there and shadowing, so I never really had to chance to focus my attention on other things - like the review. I haven't even opened my DS-lite for like a month or so now. Well, I did open it, but just opened it to check if it was still working....or tried to play it but ended up quitting 10-20minutes into a game.  "Grabe, kakalabas pa naman nung hinihintay kong game - tapos darating pa yung FF strategic game...buti nalang masyado na akong busy to use such little idle time on gameplay"

Hopefully, I pass the board exam. I am now setting my plans after I hopefully I do pass. Career oh career. hahaha.

Still, the goal for everything is clear. (I did mention it in one of my previous posts).

Earn as much as my brother (hmm...not sure how much my sister I don't know whose is bigger....but! since my brother is in IT, I'll set it up as my benchmark) in a shorter period of time. 

---on to other things:
1. I still havent found the time to bring my laptop to a repair shop...The power button is having problems. So with that, I am having a hard time turning my laptop ON. - Thus, I can't use my laptop to download via torrent new albums. (Usher, etc etc)....

2. I still havent found the time to get the car stereo fixed.

3. I haven't even found the time to drive the car!!!!! short....I don't have enough time on my hands - FOR THE MOMENT. Come the week of June 23 - OH week. Maybe I could get all of these done as well as start my serious review.

PS: I should start going to church as well. Rekindle my faith with the church and strengthen my faith in God. I need a stronger connection with God...=) I'm starting to los/ I'm afraid to lose faith in myself because of what's to come (missed review classes). "Insecure pa naman ako kung may mas nakakalamang sa akin ( for this case - in terms of naattendang class etc). Kasi iniisip may alam sila na di ko sa board exam pa naman competition since yung upper something percentile lang ng board takers ang kinukuha even though lahat pumasa/papasa" So...if the burden of self-doubt comes to a point where I can no longer carry it...As I learned during one of our retreats back in highschool - God/the Lord will share your burden... "Lord, sana di niyo pa po ako nalilimot..."