Saturday, December 31, 2011

CH56: 2011 + 1

When I initiated a photo challenge with my close friends through FB, there was this particular challenge to have your photo with 13 things. I thought it was such a give away to pick out 13 random things and have my photo taken with them, so instead, I decided to create a list of 13 things that I was able to accomplish for my 25th year living in this world.

Where now, in retrospect, I figure, they might as well be resolutions attained for 2011:
Below is the list I was able to make:
1. Be intellectual! - Read >5000 pages c/o George Martin in more or less a month
2. Be soulful! - LOL. Went on a vacation to Rayleigh Krabi TH by myself
3. Be selfless! - Gave my nephew, brother and sister in law an iPad
4. Be independent! - Learned to live by myself here in SG
5. Be responsible! - Learned to do laundry and iron my clothes
6. Be driven! - (Let the career speak for itself hahaha joke-halfmeant)
7. Be adventurous! - Swam in an open ocean with my close friends. I have a fear of swimming in waters where I can't see too far. My heart thumps expecting a shark to come out of nowhere.
8. Be emotionally strong! - (Anong homesick homesick?! That's not my cup of tea!)
9. Be fearless! - Climbed muddy and slippery rocks to get a good view on top of a limestone "mountain" in Rayleigh Krabi TH
10. Be wiser! - Learned to negotiate contracts hehehe
11. Be brave and overcome a trauma! - Yes, I was traumatized being denied a visa to the US because I was in IT and a fresh grad. NZ visa is my deliverance!
12. Be flexible! - Or at least be a bit more flexible - thank you yoga.
last but not least
13. Be healthy! - LOL!!! Lost 9-10 kgs in ~3 months

And of course, overcoming a fear of heights and doing a bungy jump will be added to the list.
I'm still thinking through with regards to what resolutions I could make up to accomplish for 2012, but so far the only ones I've thought of are:

1. Travel more
2. Earn more

2012 - in my opinion should be more than what 2011 is in all aspects. That's what I think resolutions are ultimately about. Becoming more than what we are the past year. I've never bothered in the past years to make a detailed list of what I want to and need to accomplish. I've come to figure out that as long as I continue to live (consciously) to better myself, then the resolutions should follow along.

Sadly, one of my ultimate goals for 2011 which is to skydive, has not yet been accomplished. During the days before and following my scheduled skydive date, the sky was pretty much overcast. The weather was too dangerous for a jump. So now, seeing that the weather forecast for today and tomorrow is clear, I hope to be able to book a jump. I can't get rid of the feeling of disappointment since my dive was cancelled last 29th of December. 

I should also be posting some guides to NZ travel soon after all the dust has settled (when I return to Singapore). 

Saturday, December 24, 2011

CH55: Bungyyyy

Slowly but surely, I'm on my way to overcoming my acute fear of heights!
Today, I jumped off a bridge for a 40m drop down to an ocean!

Here are some pics from the experience! :)

Super cool experience! I missed the first countdown to jumping. I had a fright attack when the countdown struck 0. SOO...I had to wait a little longer to jump because there was a boat coming through and we had to wait for it to pass. So, after everything was okay, they counted down from 5-0 and I manged to sort of leap off! It was so surreal and time went by so fast after the jump I couldnt remember if I jumped off or if I was pushed off. BUT the video outtake showed that I did manage to jump off myself. Well, not sort of leap off like how other people did, but hahaha, a hesitant leap thats why my knees are bent still after leaping off haha. Super worth it experience! Now, I can go to any site of AJ Hackett and jump off for a huge discount if I have my certificate to show. :)

I highly recommend the experience when you visit Auckland!

OH, let's not forget a realization.
Sometimes, you just have to take a leap off faith to know what you're truly capable of. :)
Or in Filipino, "Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan." I think I was only able to really jump because I wanted to experience the jump and to some extent overcome my fear of heights :)

Monday, December 19, 2011

[Random] Stargazing

Cold hands, cold feet
I walk through the empty beach
The wind whistling a lonely tune
But I'm fine, dandy and content

I haven't had a night like this
Where I come from
The lights and sounds are everywhere
Drowning out the eyes that stare

Inconspicuous to the glare
The beauty is drowned out
Time paces faster and faster
Morning and Night come and go

But tonight time slows to a crawl
The wind whistling a lonely tune
I look up to gaze in the dark
Countless eyes reveal themselves

They wink at you, they twinkle
I sit to comprehend what they say
I lie down and contemplate

Saturday, December 17, 2011

CH54: New Zealand!

I've been in New Zealand since the 16th of December.
It's true what they say, if you have a family then New Zealand is a good option aside from Canada/Australia to migrate to.

It's very different compared to Singapore. The public transportation is not as established as it is in Singapore. So, noticeably, more people need to rely on cars and the development of the place(s) I have been to, is with that mind set in consideration.

Also, as progressive as New Zealand is, it's not as tech savvy I should say compared to Singapore. The wi-fi hotspots do not abound as much as you'd see like lets say for Manila or even Singapore. I've not bothered to turn on my 3G for fear of the roaming cost, plus, it's a way to get disconnected and enjoy the slower pace of life. So, I only get to surf and access the internet when I'm at home.

I've already taken more than 200 photos from my Iphone! I find it weird that for most of the pictures I've shot, there's no need to saturate the colors, because they are as how you see them, which I like!

Tomorrow, we visit the Auckland CBD, so I guess, it should provide me a better assessment of what it truly is like to be here in NZ. Suburban living and the small town feel is not yet for me.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

CH53: We were young

I just saw the 8th episode of glee from the 3rd season. To comment on the episode and the series - well, I think that there're a lot of good things ahead to see in glee after this episode. The performance for sectionals sans Rachel Berry was great. Every member had equal exposure to highlight their talents. I especially liked the spin they did on the Michael Jackson hit Man in the Mirror.

But, the video I posted above has got to be the one that struck me most. The message highlighted in Quin's story arc about enjoying the now - the youth - is what I would guess the performance was trying to put a closure to. It brought a closure to Quin's road to self-destruction by obsessing about the future by worrying about it now. Given that Quin was pretty much obsessed with trying to get her baby back just so she could find a purpose to her life after highschool.

The video above, I've been playing for about 20 times now :). It sounds upbeat and happy, but the message is quite sad the moment I heard it. If you're interested in the lyrics, here's the link. I had to read through the lyrics to fully understand why the song struck me so strongly.

Simply put, it talks about realizing your youth and enjoying it to the fullest before the night ends. It talks about getting wasted and high in alcohol or however you wish to interpret the lyrics and to spend the night without any worry after - as you have friends you can rely on to bring you safely home.

I guess, one aspect of the song that made me sad is the fact that I no longer consider myself young. I could relate to Quin about wishing to grow-up faster. But, I can't say that I regret anything with the choices I've made. I wouldn't be where I am now had I not studied well or chose my career over regular weekend parties and living through my pre-25 yo without any regard to being responsible. I was raised differently. I had expectations to live up to 0-25 yo.

So, it's not about regretting the choices and actions I did in the past exactly. The song, I should say, has brought the deadly and depressing "What if?" It's the question you will never find an answer to. It just raises more questions. 

Well, as depressed as I am feeling now while listening to the song, I just realized, that perhaps instead of shifting the attention solely on whatever I did during my youth, then I should think of the now as the song sings through. You don't have to be young in order to enjoy life and live it to the fullest. Instead of looking back, look at the now and live it. Live it to the fullest. Live it free.

We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter 
than the sun

PS: I just read through the lyrics again while listening to the original, and the message is very different from what glee struck me with. It has a break-up tune to the message. Anyway, here's the original video from FUN. It's got to be one of the most poetic (IMO) songs I've heard in a long while.

Monday, December 12, 2011

CH52: Trance

When I was still in college, while I was searching for new artists to add into my playlist, I happened upon Tiesto. I didn't understand it. I didnt like the feel. I didn't know how I can appreciate it without any lyrics.

Come Zoukout 2011.

Dancing for hours on non-stop. Not knowing the lyrics - as most of the tracks played didnt have any. Just the beat and its accompaniments that define what trance/house/electronic music is about.

Zoukout 2011 is one for the books of the best parties I've been to. It has got to be the first dance music festival I've gone to - I would categorize the usual February UP Fair as just a music festival. They have some reggae acts, but nothing like Zoukout.

Zoukout has also got to be the first "actual" (i.e. organized) beach party I've been to.

To tell you honestly, I think the movie Drive along with David Guetta set-off this cascading effect. I thoroughly liked the OST of Drive with its retro electro-pop tracks. From realizing my fondness of electro-pop tracks, I discovered Ladytron. David Guetta introduced me to what house music is all about. Although David's proginy Nothing But The Beat is a cross between House and R&B, he has some tracks that provided me an introductory course to what trance is about. In particular his tracks Lunar and Sunshine I would say are what got me into liking trance.

I've been pondering exactly what I enjoy about trance music - since you could say that I'm a newbie to this genre - and I realized that trance, as opposed to most of the other mainstream genres makes use of rhythms that focus more on getting your body moving.

Given that there are no lyrics to sing-along to, the rhythms force your body to move according to what feels natural for you, no more wondering if you got the lyrics right or if you are singing it correctly. It's not like the R&B, disco or whatever, where the dance/body movements feel and look better with choreography.

As the definition for trance music also states, the rhythms produced aim to have a hypnotic effect. Something like the Matrix, where the trance goers plug themselves into a different world. Or maybe another analogy is to have the trance goers link themselves as if with strings to the DJ to puppeteer them.

I started to appreciate trance more since it was enjoyable to dance to the beats without the influence of alcohol. It brought me a high - I can only imagine experienced by drug users. If it was anything, it was ecstasy. The feeling of getting high in music. Sweating hard with the crowd all around you. Losing your mind in the sound and actually forgetting about woes that you otherwise think of idly.

It's just too bad that I am only discovering it now. But then again, the trance music is still somehow underground in the Philippines. If I remember correctly, you will only be able to get your fix in the club in A-Venue? I'm not sure. I don't fully (as in 100% enjoy) the clubbing experience in the Philippines because I drive - and I sometimes drive my friends home. Nagging parents and effective ad campaigns can instill that in you. Be a responsible driver - not only for yourself - but for the people riding along. And it's not exactly enjoyable to go to the clubs using public transpo - even taxis. They're not as safe in the PH as in SG.

Which is why - I've added to my milestones before turning 30 "Go to Ibiza and experience trance in the trance capital!"

Friday, December 9, 2011

[Repost] macho papa

I can't believe this post is almost 6 years old!
Has it really been that long since college?!
I miss my Comm 3 professor Teresa Paula De Luna. We had the same nickname TP.
I removed the comments I put in beside the characteristics mentioned. It sounded like the awkward-growing-up-me.

Comm 3, January 23, 2006. We had this sort of activity wherein you let your classmates write on a paper (sticked on to your back) the physical characteristics and inate traits (positive or negative) that they think you may have.

Some of the things that were written...i'll let you decide which are positive or negative:
sweet voice
smart looking 
nice hair
chinky eyes

wait! parang wala akong nabasa run na great smile...oh well...yung dentist ko na dentist din ng certain celebrities sabi niya maganda sobra ngipin ko eh ehhehe...that's good enough affirmation for me.

hmm...dont think that the activity bloated my just affirmed certain things i had in mind (grins.)
oh yeah...sabi ng comm 3 prof ko...hehehe...mas cute (she used the term pogi...but i prefer cute) raw ako sa mga koreano sa mga koreanovelas...hahaha...i agree i agree...i blushed in class...argh!

okay, im going back to studying...haay...Gringo is better! I love that dog.

oh yeah...i love this statement i used to comment on kel's post..."EEE WILL SCAR US FOR LIFE."

[Repost] Love and Quantum Physics (reunited)

It seems I've forgotten my lessons in quantum mechanics. :(

For some strange reason (that is yet to be pinpointed out), I realized that, I don't really know the definition of love. ON that instant of realization, I felt that, love for damn AMBIGUOUS! I mean, come on, it's just so hard to tell if you are falling for someone deeply or it could just be puppy love or fling or M.U or crush or just plain and simple adoration for someone just because that person has the qualities that you look for in your partner.

YOU feel that feeling, but yet how can YOU tell if the feeling is real. Real Love. Shit. Hahaha, prattles of exhaustion (that's what i call my offline blog). OH yeah, getting on with the logic, "How can you tell that what you feel is indeed love if you are the one subjecting that feeling to scrutiny? Don't people have bias tendencies?"

If that is so, then the interpretation of the feeling may very well be "subjective" to some purpose or another.
Here are some examples that I thought of when I couldnt sleep (and still havent...but then decided to study physics 104 despite the exhaustion from today's work for fopc and now doing this)

1) Sex and Love.
How can you tell if you really LOVE someone when you are having sex? I don't know the answer to that question (Since I haven't really experienced sex. =p seriously.). But my conclusion was, you can never tell because it is extremely difficult to really say. For all you know, you may "FEEL THE LOVE" just because you wanted to find some outlet for the libido inside of you. For all you know, it is "SEX THAT YOU LOVE", but NOT the "PERSON YOU ARE HAVING SEX WITH."

2) Crush vs. Love
It's really hard to tell the difference as well. How can you differentiate the two? Doesn't the feeling called "crush" initiate the feeling called "love" when you cultivate that feeling by spending time and getting more understanding for that person you "initially had a crush on"? So how do you know if it's LOVE? What if...the feeling called LOVE was actually just "PROLONGED CRUSH" feeling? IF you agree that crush is the partriach of love, then when does the offspring love come about when you let "CRUSH AND TIME have SEX together?"

If that was your argument, what if CRUSH only had SEX with TIME just because CRUSH (referring to the feeling 'crush') enjoys the sex? Then what will you call the offspring. Is it still valid to call the product of CRush and Time, LOVE?

3) Frienship and Love.
How do you differentiate Friendship between love? Some people coin the feeling for "wanting to spend continuous time with a friend" LOVE. But what if you only want to spend that amount of time with a friend just because that friend is a good friend that you LOVE spending time with? But wait, I used the term LOVE for spending time. So let's use the term Like instead because as I first stated, Love is ambiguous. So what of it? If the feeling that you FEEL is INDEED LOVE, then LOVE WILL HAVE TO BE A FUNCTION OF TIME. LOVE "HAS TO" DEPEND ON TIME.

But what if Love takes the form of the WAVE EQUATION PSI? What should be the potential energy of Love? Does it even matter? But before getting to that, we must first question, IS LOVE INDEED DEPENDENT ON TIME?

What if LOVE was SPATIALLY DEPENDENT? (ie. some long distance relationships work and some do not. but is that relationship LOVE for each other to begin with?) Then the argument that Love depends on time is questioned.

So there comes the WAVE EQUATION PSI which relates the SPATIAL DEPENDENCY and TIME DEPENDENCY plus the POTENTIAL ENERGY of the WAVE called LOVE.

You can only understand the mechanics (wait, that's having a classical mindset)...let me reinstate that. You can only understand the PHYSICS of LOVE by using QUANTUM MECHANICS. The Spatial dependency and Time dependency of LOVE could never be explained in the classical mindset. That's why AMBIGUITY arises (because people don't know Quantum Mechanics).

1) DEPART from your CLASSICAL STATE OF MIND. ACCEPT THE INEVITABLE. ACCEPT THE EXPANSION OF TRUTH (the term truth here is of the ABSOLUTE TRUTH. Meaning, it is not relative to any particular INERTIAL FRAME of reference).

prattles of exhaustion update

[Repost] Can two things exist in the same space at the same time?

This is a repost from one of my entries written back in college. I can't believe I actually wrote something so perplexing that I actually miss my Quantum Physics class...

Just now, lying in bed, the question popped into my mind. Is it possible for two things to exist in the same space at the same time? Well, immediately (since matalino ako. =p pwera usog po), I was able to think of examples that could prove that it is indeed possible.

Theory of Relativity.
From here on, let me just clarify that I am NOT a geek or a nerd. God just gave me a mind that wanders off to a lot of not so relevant things. So getting on, yes, with the theory of relativity...If you consider it as basis in proving your hypothesis that indeed two things can exist in the same space and time; then it can be possible. With the concept of time dilation and length contraction, somehow, as an example, let's say in an observer 1's frame a person b moving at the speed of light can be at a certain position x. But with respect to person b, he may already be at position x+1. Now, if both 1 and b hold clocks to verify their time...(presumption is that both clocks were set to the same time before b moved at the speed of light) then person b may see that the current time is y while the observer sees that in his clock it's y+1. Now, the hypothesis may not exactly be proven, but what I wished to point out in the said example is that, person b sees that he has moved distance x+1 and the time it took him to move that distance is y. On the other hand the observer sees that person b has moved a distance x given the time y+1. But, with respect to the time, the same amount of time has elapsed for observer 1 and person b. So, in the example, person b exists in a space and time different from what observer 1 has seen. So, for their respective frames, it's like they are in separate if that can be possible, then, it can be possible as well for the hypothesis to be could just be that I have thought of an inappropriate example to prove the hypothesis

Another example I thought of was the possibility in some waveform graphs to see two voltage values in a given time. Take for example the square wave. Well I cited that as a means for you to visualize the point im getting at. But, then again, a square wave, to date, is still only a theory. No machine or device can generate a perfect square wave, so the existence of two voltage values in a given time is then lacking when we think of the square wave. But, then, certain circuits can let you achieve this. If you construct a circuit that has x voltage at a certain time, but then, when the circuit switches off, and given the right capacitor (charged very fast) and the right polarity, then in the short instance (i.e 0, 0+ and 0-) the voltage  can then be -x. So, then, when you probe it, you get a sharp edge (right corner). Like at time 0 you get a sudden change from 10 to -10 volts. So you have two voltage values at time 0.

Hahaha. Although...those are just what I think based on what I have learned over the course of 4++ years in college.
I want to know other instances, or instances that come close to allowing for the hypothesis to happen...I mean, like sa sinabi kong example with the capacitor etc etc...I have not tried it yet, pero possibleng may rise time or fall time pa so, hindi talaga siya right corner yung itsura sa graph...pero di kasi ako sure kung kaya nga ba talaga magawang ganun...or mapaabot lang malapit sa ganun na right corner...

"How about you? Got any thoughts on this? Feel free to share them! hehehe...I want to know other instances, or instances that come close to allowing for the hypothesis to happen. Or perhaps, you can site other fields of study or something that comes close to that instance or achieves the said instance."

haaay...finally, i can sleep. Another thing I managed to get off my mind.


[Random] Obsessive Compulsive

My OC-ness has struck.

I've been trying to look for a way to migrate my livejournal to blogger, but i've decided to just read through my livejournal entries from recent to old and copy them over to blogger - each and every entry.

I'll take this opportunity to assess myself based on my previous entry.

As history teachers will tell you, some of the best lessons are learned from the past. You understand the past to become prepared for the future.

But, that's just me talking bullsh*t. It's just my OC-ness to want everything in one place. Like the pictures i've uploaded in Multiply, Facebook and Flickr. Somewhere in the back of my head, there's this nagging sensation to want to integrate them all in one place. But that's a lot of data to migrate and I don't think I will ever find a time to actually complete doing so. So, to relieve the nagging sensation, I need to do this!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

CH51: Baking in an oven

I've been practicing yoga for about 5 months now. Although, I don't attend the class as regularly as I used to before I started swimming.

My issue with regards to my tight hamstrings - well, they're still tight.

But flexibility wise, I should say there is definitely a stark improvement. Well, aside from losing weight and helping with the so-called "meditation" aspect. I think yoga helped instill discipline in me to avoid eating the unhealthy. Well, at least partly moderate it.

When I started around June-July, I remember waking up every day for a week straight craving for Yong Tau Foo. I only wanted to eat greens. And I sometimes just only eat an apple for dinner. Hahaha, I spent two weeks waking up with a grumbling stomach and tasting acid. Thankfully, I didnt get any ulcer like what my mom always fear would happen if I don't eat properly.

Hahaha, being the youngest, well, I'm spoiled. Which is why, in a way, moving to Singapore was also healthy for me. I can't remember when was the last time I shouted profanities stuck in traffic. Or going on a road-rage when somebody cuts me and drives slower in front of me. I would typically overtake them and shout out load in the car "Eat dirt bitch!" Hahaha, I'm such an offensive driver.

Haay, that reminds me of how much I miss driving.

Anyway, getting back to the story.

Since I got free Bikram sessions from my membership in True Yoga, I decided to start using them. The rule is of course, once you're in the room, you can't leave until the class finishes.

I like the feeling of sweating while working out. There's no other opportunity for me to sweat. So it's a leisure for me.

So earlier in class, some noobs who apparently did not listen to the instructor's instruction about needing to stay in the room, after the 21st pose out of the 26th, decides to pack up and leave.

The instructor then tells them that rules are rules and if you leave now, then you destroy the discipline you should be starting about committing and following through. One girl tells the instructor that she badly needs to pee, but then the instructor is quite firm on the rules, so with everyone staring at them, they decided to just sit it out.

So when they did, I started observing them. Fucking liars. They did the remaining poses.

Bikram. If you can't take the heat, just sit there and wait.

Another nonsensical post to relieve the stress of completing my activities in advance.

CH50: Just like that

And just like that, another casualty.


MANILA, Philippines (AP) — The Philippine government says China has executed a Filipino man convicted on drug trafficking charges despite an appeal for clemency from President Benigno Aquino III.
Vice President Jejomar Binay said the 35-year-old man was put to death by lethal injection Thursday in southern Guangxi province.
He was arrested in 2008 at Guilin International Airport while trying to smuggle 3.3 pounds (1.5 kilograms) of heroin from Malaysia.
Smuggling more than 1.76 ounces (50 grams) of heroin or other drugs is punishable by death in China.
Although China went ahead with the execution despite Aquino's appeal for clemency, government officials have said they respect China's judicial system and that the execution would not hurt bilateral relations

Justice is served.
I wish that the day will come when justice is served as efficiently in the Philippines as it is in China. Not to step on any one's toes, but, I am pro death penalty.
People in the Philippines question the effectiveness of death penalty - primarily because the justice system is flawed. People contradict that for most cases, only the poor will be subject to execution as there is a lot of room for bribe and corruption for those with money to escape this finality.
But, my opinion stands that the best deterrent for heinous crimes is death. The Philippines is not like the first world countries we see featured with the mindset that jail sentences are meant to rehabilitate the convicted - to become contributors to society when their sentences are finished.
The Philippines - Metro Manila especially - is in my opinion, over populated. I don't see any point in giving second chances to people who have taken the life of others and circulated/trafficked drugs that ruined families. It's always an eye for an eye. We're over populated in the metro, no one will miss troublemakers.
The Philippines' lawmakers and government's hesitation and failure to act will continue to mire the people into desolation. (Insert RH bill plug) As the population of the poor grows, the number of uneducated grows, the number of "popular" but ineffective lawmakers is retained.
Time moves on. History is recorded. Trash is recycled.

CH49: On the ledge

The other day, I tweeted the following:

  • Accidntlly locked myself out. LOL. Had to jump to the ledge and go into my room through the window hahaha super exciting! 
  • Thank God we only live on the 4th floor
  • i forgot to mention that the distance from the condo's ledge to my window's ledge is about the same height as i am.  :p
 For some weird reason, i unconsciously locked my bedroom when I took a shower. Thankfully, I had clothes on me and  a towel when I went to the toilet. Otherwise, I would have performed my stunt with only a towel around my waist.

My initial reaction when I found out that I locked myself out was laugh. It was an absurd situation to be in. I didn't have my phone with me, and I just literally only had the clothes on my back. For a brief second, a hypothetical event flashed through my mind about spending the whole day without money and just walking about the condo, or even going out to Balestier road (where a lot of budget hotels are) and try to be a beggar for a day.

But, I snapped out of the daydream with the thought of having some activities lined up for work. Commitments that shouldn't be missed! So I went to the door of the landlord and tried to knock and knock hoping that they were still in and had their spare key with them. After realizing that they already left, I look through the toilet and see the window open (to let the steam out of the shower).

I knew then what I had to do.
I dressed up and went to my door and wore my slippers.
I looked out the window of the toilet and saw that I had to jump down a distance about the same height as my foot to shoulder.
I only had about two feet of width to stand on.
But weirdly enough, my usual scare of heights especially when I'm close to the edge without any railings didn't come through.
I walked the ledge to my room, opened the window, pushed myself up. 
As I didn't have any foothold to push myself up further through the room, I had to grab hold of my bed to have that grounding I needed to get through the window.

Seriously, I had a really good time doing it.
It reminded me of the adventure I had in Rayleigh (Thailand) where I climbed up and hiked through a mountain which was very muddy after the rain (mostly by myself, aside from the 1 or two foreigners I came across the muddy adventure).

I realized as well how much I've gotten stronger and fitter since I started doing yoga and swimming. I don't think I would have accomplished the same feat as effortlessly as I did if my body was in the same state it was in pre-June of this year (ahem. 84kg?! would you believe? now i'm around 70-71kg)

It also made me realize that when put in a situation of "must-do" - when you give yourself time to be reluctant and hesitant about doing it - then, well, most likely, you'll end up wasting time contemplating on things. It was quite refreshing "Just doing it." And this is where I will segue, yes, I must skydive when I go to NZ!

Coincidentally, the night prior to the event, I was entertaining the thought of locking my window after reading a Facebook status of my friend - about how someone was trying to get into her house by breaking off the window grills to her room. I was LOL-ing when I read that she scared off the would-be-thief by looking at the window and asking, "Sino yan?" 

It's Christmas time in our beloved Philippines.

If I had closed my window, then maybe I would have resorted to breaking off my door.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

CH48: Missing the stress

Work rant:

I've been thinking about how stress-free my work is.
I tell my friends when they ask how I'm doing, and I tell them, I'm only exerting 10% or less of what I used to exert when I was working with IBM.

Well, it's not really fair to compare both considering that IBM was more of a support work with some projects and implementation works on the side; while here in Infineon, I'm more of internal focused more on Solution Manager.

I'm at the crossroad. The position I'm in would be a great position to be in if I was already thinking of settling down - and growing within the company. But, I'm not sure that's where I want to be in right now. The fixed work schedule is great to be honest. I get to swim, do the things I like doing. And there's not much 'work' excuse to say not to have fun.

But then again, is it right for me to be here right now? Or is it a matter of being too early?

Like I told my mom last night, I will have to think about it after I come back from NZ. After all, if I didnt move into the company, then I don't think I would have been allowed 18 days of vacation.

Yes, it might seem like I was only using the company to get what I want - but. hmmm.
To elaborate more on it - aside from not being stressed - I think that I'm not learning as much as I want to learn. It's more of my teammates learning from me. I wouldn't call it a parasitic relationship. They're great people to work with and I feel that I'm appreciated and I'm important to the team.

Although, what irks me is the fact that they are the "System Owners" of the SAP Solution Manager of the company - yet they have very little technical know-how on managing systems. They have almost no background prior to being system owners on how to handle and manage SAP systems. Solution Manager being a central aspect of the SAP landscape - well, it requires a degree of technicality in order to operate and maintain. Yes - that's where I came in.

But, sometimes - I feel like an actual consultant who is an "enabler" for the recognized system owners. So, yes, I feel like, they are getting all the spotlight etc. There was one instance where the sytem owner asked me to create some slides to update the colleagues in EU on the progress of our activities. I was under the assumption that I was the one who was going to present. But it turns out, he was planning on presenting it all along. He used the words I put in my slide. He used all my slides! During our meeting even - when he couldn't find the right phrase to use for his idea - he even asked me to help him come up with the right words to say?! Well, I opted not to. I just solved the issue he was having a hard time explaining.

So yes. right now, after I come back from NZ - my stand is pretty much 60-40 in favor of moving out. But, it's more of a matter of exploring other opportunities. It's like hook and bait. Just to see how much i can demand. I won't be jumping on any offer the instant they're offered. Job security wise - I'm secured here - unlike in IBM where there was a risk of being relieved given that the project was at an end.

Blah Blah

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

CH47: White Noise

What's wrong about not missing Filipino food?
What's wrong about not missing the Philippines?
What's wrong about not wanting to invest in a place I'm not sure I'll retire in?

After seeing the viral coke-video that's been making rounds in the social media sites, I couldn't help but feel disconnected. I'm an OFW in the sense, but my reasons are different than theirs.
From the video, it seems to me that it pains them to actually have to work in a foreign land away from their family. But in my case, I'm actually having a great time.
Perhaps, it's in the structure of my family. All 5 of us are in different countries - covering 4 timezones. I'm part of the next-gen OFW - the generation that is making the conscious choice to live and work abroad.

To live and work abroad not for anyone else's sake but my own.

I like living and working in Singapore. It's actually refreshing to be free of the traffic jams and pollution. I like not being surrounded by noise from the media. I like being away from the saturated news and the distracting billboards. I like how my shoes do not seem to get dirty - contrary to how dirty it gets just by walking through the car park to the mall. I like how safe it is here. I like the accessibility of the pools and how convenient it is here to actually make a healthy living and adapt a healthy lifestyle.

I like so many things here in Singapore that I'm sure I can find elsewhere abroad - when and if I choose my next destination.

But, with so many things I like - does that mean I hate the Philippines?
With regards to the questions I initially asked:
  • What's wrong about not missing Filipino food?
  • What's wrong about not missing the Philippines?
  • What's wrong about not wanting to invest in a place I'm not sure I'll retire in?
I left the Philippines without any notion of what to expect I'll turn out to be. In my mind, I expected to be the same way I was. To love the same things I was used to loving. To be the same person that I am - or was.

But, as I stay in Singapore more and more, the more I realize, that perhaps, the Philippines is not really the place I want to grow old and die in. I don't miss Filipino food nor crave for them. When I went to the Philippines twice, I never really craved to order for anything. My mom and I ate at our usual eateries - Sumo Sam or Cyma. The only thing I miss in the Philippines are my mom, dog and friends/relatives - oh and driving. My family is all around the world, it's hard to say the Philippines is still home. 

I don't miss Chicken Joy. I don't know exactly what to miss in the Philippines, that's why I'm using the context I usually hear from people. I don't know what to miss because, in my head, there's nothing in the coming future for me to miss in it.

People grow up and move on. At this point, I've come to accept that if the time comes for me to apply for permanent residency or a migrant visa - that yes, I'll go for it. I'm not saying that I'll go for it here in Singapore- maybe NZ or somewhere in Europe?

Which is to say - I'm ready to give up my Philippine citizenship.
The thought having already encroached itself, actually makes me defensive when I get the questions like the ones above. Is it so wrong to already consider rescinding my citizenship?

In the apathy I've grown to and have come to enshroud myself with, there's nothing wrong with the thought. Given that the world is coming to terms with globalization, what is citizenship or home country? 

Patriotism and nationalism are dead to me.

People live their lives to their own ideals. People are given the free will - the freedom - to choose who they want to be. People do things to make them happy (bound by ethics and morality?). People have the choice to choose.

If for some, they feel that patriotism and nationalism make people better people. Then that's them - not me.