Because of reading the 50 Shades Series, I rediscovered my love for Nelly Furtado's song. Particularly, this song which Christian Grey put in the IPad he gave to Anastasia Steele as part of his apology for "what happened." It has been pretty much on loop when I was reading the series and after and I had to search my music archive to look for Nelly's album - which I unfortunately deleted. Fortunately, the connection at home is fast and Nelly's The Best of album was easily downloaded. Anyway, I digress.
My fondness of the song was fueled further because of the context by which the (fictional) character Christian Grey proffered to Ana. It did get me teary-eyed when I was reading the part of the book where they were under present terms - "cool off" - while the song was on repeat. But again, I digress.
What I particularly like about Nelly F's music before was that it sounded altogether different yet pop. She emerged during a time where most of the artist available in mainstream are cookie cutter types. There was a different edge to her voice as well, it was unique as her sound was. Remembering how I came to like her would be comparing it to how I first heard Lady Gaga. But Nelly F emerged around the time when the Internet was not as proliferated as it is now - so I guess her success was overshadowed by Lady Gaga partly because of that. But then again, they are a decade apart.
Getting on with my Nelly F rediscovery, I became reacquainted again with one of my favorite Nelly songs - Shit on the Radio (Remember the Days). Upon hearing it from the album I downloaded, it instantly became an earworm (again). Base on the definition of earworm or last song syndrome, they usually occur because one can relate to the lyrics of a song or there's a particularly formula of sound waves and frequency which appeal to people in general. But I think it's more of the lyrics, particularly the chorus.
I remember the days when I was so eager to satisfy you
And be less then I was just to prove I could walk beside you
Now that I've flown away I see you've chosen to stay behind me
And still you curse the day I decided to stay true to myself
Typical of my mind to wander, I reflected on why the song still hits the right nerves after so long. It's most likely due to feeling and being free now of expectations. So, the you the song was referring to is actually myself before 25. Those were the days where I've lived to meet my own expectations and the expectations I set upon myself as a reflection of what my friends and family I thought expected of me. Yes, a sentence loaded with expectation.
I'm not saying though that expectations are bad. I think they did help me get to where I am now. As what Calvin's (Calvin and Hobbes) dad would say, it builds character. I think I'm now at a point in my life where the pieces of after thoughts are coming together. The goals I have in mind are clear, and the direction where I want to go is set and hopefully, plans and actions to get me there succeed. There's also a matter of #2 from this entry which I think is part of the reason why I feel freer now. Acceptance is freeing. Now, I'm at a point where there's no hang-ups or feeling of uncertainty or of looking back thinking if there was anything I missed or regret. But then again, this is the present and the future is full of uncertainties what ever people say about it.
After being out of sync with my usual routine going home to the Philippines 2 weeks ago and happening upon the 50 shades trilogy, I ran earlier tonight after almost a month since running my 21km (May 26?). I damn well could not believe I was able to beat my personal best of ~57 minutes for a 10km run finishing my run earlier with a time of 52'39".
It's a very refreshing achievement considering that pretty much after my 21km. I slipped with my cigarette smoking and was doing 1-1.5 pack per week the first two weeks after. Then slipped further to 2 packs the week after and 3 packs to last week. It's a matter of check and balance. Since I stopped with my source of cardio, my discipline was lost. But that issue can be remediated. By doing more runs from here on out along with yoga-mondays, body-combat-tuesdays, dragon-boat-weight-training-thursdays and dragon-boat-paddles on saturdays/sundays, that habit can be defeated.
If I was able to quit for 3-4 weeks the second time, then, it can be accomplished a third time and maybe even further.