Monday, June 18, 2012

CH96: Capitulation

Along with the delight in reading the Fifty Shades trilogy is the implicit distraction it provides. It's been a bugger to think about whether I should proceed to resign from my job a month and few weeks before my sister's wedding in California. It's a nagging thought given that my NZ visa has not been approved in the first place.

I begin to wonder then whether there is an underlying, subconscious thought behind this hasty decision...

Do I want to leave Singapore now? Why is my subconscious in such a hurry to leave? As far as I know, I'm enjoying myself in Singapore, the freedom it provides, the partial ease in leaving (well, partial because there are chores to do), the small luxuries and the friends I have and the activities I do.

It feels like my subconscious has already migrated to NZ and is just waiting for me to follow.

Despite the distraction the 50 Shades has provided, I did have a lot of time to reflect being mostly cooped up in my room the whole weekend reading. I realized that perhaps, the reason I'm feeling this way is because, in the first place, the end goal is NOT Singapore. I've always envisioned going to Europe first and then New Zealand. But given the change of hear, well, if I settle in NZ, then Euro-trips will be a non-issue. If Singapore has always been a stepping stone and a temporary affair, then why prolong the temporary?

Of course, there are other concerns to factor in if I move my leaving earlier and the uncertainty of finding a job in NZ does arrest me in fear sometimes. But the thought of maybe spending a month or two in California (assuming my US visa is approved - which I hope will be since my sister just got her green card recently and that it's a valid trip with an itinerary) and mainland US is very alluring.

But then again, instead of day dreaming of these matters at work, I should be working and compiling the necessary documents to submit for the NZ visa - thereafter I can process the documents and application for my US visa.

PS: I think I'm being impatient. Again.

No comments:

Post a Comment