CH93: Over A Bed of Greens

Ever since Lady Gaga's concert here in Singapore, I've been feeling like the sky is all gray. Like there's some imminent change that's to befall on me. Usually, when this mood comes swinging, I prefer to be alone and mull over things - reflect.

1. Part of what I'm feeling may be the anticipation that maybe by December but hopefully early next year, I'll be moving to NZ to start anew and work to residency. Eventually becoming a New Zealand citizen. It's a choice I feel I have to make this early. Part of my resolve last year was that, aside from overcoming certain fears, I should be making decisions for the future and put to stop the playing around.

2. I had an internal argument before with regards to most people's opinion of whether some people were born the way they are or it was a matter of choice for them...



...I promised that when I entered into my 25th year of living - that before it ended, I would choose for myself on where I stand on that matter. It is true that some aspects of humanity are genetic, but not all aspects as some (if not most for some) are aspects that were developed or made through choice. My stand on the matter is that for some the choice came too early while for some, it's latent. A choice that was affected by circumstance, environment and up bringing.

And for that matter, I put to close, as I have chosen what to believe in and that is it is our choice. Freedom of will. The power to choose is, in my opinion, one of God's greatest gift to mankind. So I struggle to think that certain sets of beliefs are matters people are born into. I won't argue that of course, because if it is my choice to believe that it is a matter of choice, it is also your choice to believe that it's not a matter of choice.

3. There's an upcoming medical when I go back to the Philippines, and I guess part of the worry is the realization that I haven't cleared myself yet from the last time. So, tomorrow, I will have to go and see. It can    be quite a paranoia considering that there's a bout of alcohol allergy recently. Mostly it's triggered by wine I guess from last Friday night, and further aggravated by more alcohol binge last Saturday night. Thank God, I had anti histamine in stock (now all out. just got new supplies). Otherwise I would be itching like mad. Oh, the problem with having sensitive skin.

And those I think are enough food for thought...

[Edit]
4. I just realized that the mellowness I've been feeling is rooted from the fact that I'm considering resigning and leaving Singapore to go to US for my sister's wedding and spend a month vacationing there. (October - November) This decision of course will be convenient but very uncertain.

My initial plan of course is to look for work online once the visa is approved. But if I don't find any job online, I'll have to risk going to NZ 2 months before the validity expires to look for work. I didn't do this for SG. Because of friendly recommendations, I found myself with an SG job in the Philippines.

By doing what I have in mind, at least all necessary strings can be cut way ahead of time. The problem though is, I promised myself since my last hiatus from employment, that I will not leave work until there's one waiting.

Flashback. I resigned from HP 2009 to go on a break and evaluate if I was in the right career. I took a break for 2-3 months. Took a short course as well. It was a luxury I I felt I could afford then. But now, the risks are higher and that is a perpetuating fear I cannot just ignore.

By following this plan, I could be in New Zealand by new year next year looking for work. I'm not sure what my parents would say though. But given that i could guarantee my going to US for my sister's wedding, this plan has its pluses.