Wednesday, March 2, 2011

CH33: Can't Fight This Feeling

And I'm getting close than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

 Excerpts from the song "Can't Fight This Feeling."

I find myself drawn to it (the song) every time I start up Ipod on my Iphone.
I can't really explain why.
I figure it might be because I'm turning 25 in about a month's time. Quarter life crisis?

Like I said in my previous entry, I only dreamed of making it in Singapore after 5 years of work experience.
But, as luck may have it, the dream has turned to reality, after only about 2.5 years of experience.

I don't kinow ... I'm really thankful and grateful for making it here. Salary-wise, there's so much to be thankful for. From my computation, I'm quite amazed how my career salary-wise has grown leaps and bounds.
From my salary in HP, after nearly 2 years of experience, I joined TSFI and experienced a salary-growth/increase of almost 100%. And now, here in SG, as I am about to gain 3 years of experience (more or less), I find that my salary has increased by almost 700% from HP.

But somehow, well, now that I've made it here in Singapore, there's something amiss.
I'm thinking that it must be because dreams were realized far too early and fast.
I find that I don't really know where to go next. What dream to dream of now ...

I know for fact, that as a stepping stone, Singapore now may quite possibly be Europe or perhaps Australia or New Zealand in 2 years time (5th year of work experience). There's a lot of possibility and choices as long as I play my cards right.

And, there it is, another conundrum as I like to consider it. Too many choices. I like having choices to choose from, but I don't like having too many choices to make. Take for example when shopping, I limit my choices to certain stores so as not to complicate a simple matter as buying clothes or shoes. Simple.

But life, as they say, is generally complicated. I'm starting to go blah blah right now, so getting back to the song. I don't really know what I'm feeling. I don't think I'm feeling homesick ... unless what I am feeling is a precursor to one. I've never really longed for the Philippines since working here. There are somethings I miss from home and from the regularity of things I have been used to the Philippines, but not really to the point of brooding or crying or whining about missing home. I'm happy here, with that uncertain feeling I am feeling.

I can't see for myself nor even imagine what I want to do or where I want to be 5 more years from now (10 years of work experience). I usually tell my friends that perhaps I will try applying for PR in Australia where most of my friends have risked it, or perhaps New Zealand where my brother has already migrated.

But, then, I realize, PR, permanent residency, sounds something like settling down. Living there for good. But, I haven't explored that dream yet as I have no intention of settling down yet. There's so much more to explore and places to travel to.

I guess, I should conclude this by just satisfying myself by saying that perhaps I should just take life one day at a time. Which doesn't quite cut it for me, but given the limited choices I have right now - seeing that I don't have any idea where to take my life next - I'll just bide my time.

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