Monday, January 30, 2012

CH59: Losing Sight

"Don't dream too far, don't lose sight of who you are." - Wicked

The message that resounded most to me when I was watching Wicked The Musical was short and simple: "Don't lose sight of who you are."

Admittedly, I'm quick to adapt and adjust to situations. But in that talent of assimilation, I've forgotten that - as alchemy's rule goes - there's always an equivalent exchange. You cannot have something or become something without losing something - without sacrificing anything.

Now I'm muddled as there's a disparity between who I was pre-college and after. And the transition to become who I am now, well, I can't help but feel that though I find myself where I always dreamt or imagined where I will be - career wise - that I'm not the same person. No, it's not something like maturity. It's something else that I'm still unsure of what to call. An analogy would be selling your soul to the devil to get something you want. Well - no, it's not my soul I threw under the bus to get where I am.

But, I think for one thing, my version of morality now is very much different from what I had before college. Going through a liberal college must have something to do with it. It's not that I'm saying UP corrodes that from its students. It's more of a matter of letting myself be corroded. Also, it's not that I'm saying I don't like who I am now - but more of, not fully knowing myself because somewhere down the road, I lost a part of myself.

And that hollow space where something I used to have resided, well, I guess it's eating me up from the inside not knowing exactly what used to be there.

***Wicked (Quick) Musical Review
Well, it should be given for me to say that it's one of the best musicals I've seen production wise. Story wise, I love how it fits perfectly into The Wonderful Wizard of Oz childhood story about Dorothy. The production numbers were really well made - blocking, stage props, musical scores and of course great voices and actors/actresses. I'm so happy that - I happened to unexpectedly book front row seats. I assumed row D would be the fourth row, but it's actually the first row in MBS.

I always try and want to watch plays up front. I think it's a different experience being so close to the performers to perceive their emotions and small quirks. Unlike if you're seated afar, although you get to see most of everything, it's that fact that you see so much because Wicked is such a visual spectacle - that the small things that make performances amazing may be missed. And because there's no one else in front of you, you get the feel of isolation like they're performing their numbers just for you. So so thrilled! And, haha, there's no shame in letting your eyes get watery or letting a tear drop because there's no one else to notice being up front. Being front row gives you the experience like having the performance for yourself and no one else is in to share it with you.

I'm not going to say go and watch it! It's your loss if you don't.

I admire the character Elpheba. She's so true to herself up until the moment where she became "wicked" for all the hurt inflicted unto her. External influences are always there to try and attempt to change you. It's a matter of a trial not to succumb to them. Her defying gravity performance moved me so much. It's about standing up and not letting yourself be who other people want you to be. It's about fighting for the truth you know is true and right. It's about exceeding expectations without compromise.

And that's where I went wrong. If there's anything to compromise for me to achieve something, I'd always go for it. What matters is achieving. Succeeding. Success can be addictive. A little like being Galinda I guess.

It's a compromise that can not be recalled. What's lost is lost - and forgotten.

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