A critical discovery

I learned. I learned that I seriously am afraid of commitments. Hmm, with regards to that thought, I am not entirely sure if it's more of being afraid or more likely hate. I just realized after pondering upon it these past few days (when I have nothing else better to do other than read books and stare at cars speeding along the Mindanao avenue - I like the view of it from my room) that seriously, I have issues with commitment.

Cases:
1) relationships (i.e. girlfriend(s)) - I don't want to get into such relationships (after careful consideration of this and that) knowing that I have other things I am already committed to. Things like my acads and erm...extracurricular activities. Actually, I justified this issue by saying to myself, "ayaw ko ngang magkagirlfriend tapos ang gagamitin kong pera pang gasta sa amin pera ng mommy ko." I mean, it would be so ironic if I ended up like that. My parents don't want me to be involved in any serious relationship while i'm still at school then it turns out that meron na pala ako and ginagamit ko pera nila. I don't know, the situation just seems so screwed up.

2) "Leading" - Eto pang isa. Dito lang talaga sa college ako ayaw mag commit maging leader ng group etc etc. Like sa comm 3, since walang masyadong nag act as like the head of the group, I "stepped up" and acted as the leader. Haay...ang hirap i explain. But, my theory with regards to this is that...nagsawa lang siguro ako dahil sa highschool laging ako ako ako ako ako ako ako ako ang isa sa mga leader ng mga group(s). Nagsawa na nga lang siguro ako. haay

3) Etc. Like this engg week, di ako makapag commit sa mga events especially sa mga major events dahil ayaw ko naman i put to compromise yung acads ko...knowing well enough that i have major exams during the said week. Okay...so there we go, Two things that I am seriously afraid/spiteful of...commitments and compromise.

oh yeah, today, kaninang mga late afternoon till early evening. My mom and I were once again in Sm north. Naku! halos araw araw nalang ata eh nandun kami. Walang schaum's outline na talaga for electromagnetics sa sm north...goodwill wala...national wala...sarap ng drinks sa DEC yung mga fruitshake...I like the avocado and kiwi...lately...ang gastos ko sobra...pero di ko pera ginagamit ko...sa mommy ko. (^^;

Haay...may class pa nga pala ako bukas...dc class with sir lucas. 
random thoughts:
1) should i continue reading eee 23? I stopped somewhere erm...was it cross product...hmm...i think it is...
2) I will take a bath right after I finish this entry.
3) I will charge my phone right after the bath
4) I will read and finish the first chapter of the book for eee 23 and possibly read on to chapter 2.
5) I have to text jha once again to remind her to bring my toolbox.
6) I should get the parts list for the circuit i should be making for the mini project.
7) I should procure notes for my different subjects asap
8) Ang sarap nung kare kare na may buntot ng baka sa mangan. Ngayon...napansin ko...favorite ko yung kare kare na meal not because of the contents but more of dahil sa soup and sa bagoong. ehehehe run nanggagaling yung sarap...
9) Masarap nga pala talaga run sa Mangan...filipino dishes...ehehehe at muli...2nd time kong kumain ng lengua...and...I didnt think it was that bad...in fact, i really liked it. Baka pwede ko ng matanggal siya sa list ng mga ayaw kong food na kainin
10) speaking of which...yung mga ayaw ko...marshmallows. dinuguan...yun palang
11) parang najejebs na ako eheheheh
12) baka pwede ko ng arborin yung mp3 player ng kapatid ko.
13) speaking of which, naku sa january next year baka kami nalang ng mommy ko rito sa house. my sister would be leaving for guam. haay...our house would be so lonesome...
14) speaking of which...nuon ko pa gusto bumili ng alagang aso pero parang ang hassle eheheh...or baka tamad lang ako.
15) ay...shet...kris kringle nga pala sa friday.
16) friday...that day ba ako manuod nung play for our comm 3 class? or mag saturday nalang ako.

17) I really hope hindi cancerous yun.
18) Fibrocystic breast disease? naku! mommy...I remember the New Year I/We had when you had the operation.

haay...memories...damn brain.

Sometimes, it just doesn't work the way you want it to when you need it the most.
Lately, it's just cold. damn cold.