Monday, July 28, 2014

CH232: Contemplation on Starting Over

Life has been easy. A little bit too easy I should say.

On the forefront, in the larger scheme of things, the only struggles I would consider I had in my life, were more trivial things like academics (getting good greats and striving to be on top) as well as career (getting skilled employment that pays well and performing well). I've never had to struggle with trying to make ends meet. I don't think I ever had to worry about money. I've written about it before how thankful I am to my parents for what they have provided for me. They've taken away the concerns most of the people (pertaining to the global population rather than the Philippines in itself) will have like finding food, getting education and seeking out opportunities to make their life better.

I'm acutely aware of the struggles there are in the world. Gaza, Hamas and Israel. Ebola Outbreak in Africa. ISIS in the middle east. Ukraine, Russia and the West, etc. These current events make my worries so small compared to the rest of the world, that sometimes, I feel it's unfair to acknowledge the fears I have to face when I move to Australia. I guess, the more you become aware of the state of the world, the less enthralled you become with acknowledging and working on the things in your life that scare you. Something sort of like that.

The most obvious fear of course with moving and starting over in Australia - finding a job. With just my meager savings in tow, the fear of the possible difficulty of finding work and depleting the savings can be scary. But, what scares me more, is the complacency I have in the back of my head, that if worse comes to worst, my family will be there to bail me out (in this sense - monetary aid). I mean, I'm turning 29 a couple of months from my planned arrival in Australia. It scares me in the sense that despite having a family there to back me up and wish me success, I'm scared of having to rely on them to make my dreams come true. The support I will be getting from them, will make my endeavor for independence and succeeding by myself seem like a failure (well, based on how I've contemplated it). Don't mistake my tone though. I am always thankful that I have a supportive family behind me who I can rely on should I be in deep shit.

I guess, I'm coming from the mindset that my move to Australia will usher in my version of becoming an adult. An adult who will worry about mortgage, an adult who is saving up for retirement, an adult paying for insurance, an adult paying for loans to pay for a car, an adult who is trying to make a new life in a new place with the hopes of having a new mindset fit to survive the realities to come.

I just feel I had it too easy, and my move to Australia will be the true test of character for me. A test for the character and person I've become over the 28+ years of living in this world and knowing people, friends and family who have shaped my being. If I had to struggle to get to where I am now - well not just financially but that seems to be most fundamental problem most of the people in the world face - will I be less afraid of moving? If my parents, after graduating from college, had made me responsible for some finances at home, will that have shaped my character to be ready to face the hardships I might face in Australia? Am I well equipped to handle the pressures and struggles I will face? I guess, for now, I will never know until I get there and actually live it through.

Contemplating. Anticipating.

How escapist can I be to actually start planning on going to Europe for December and US for January? I put the plan under the banner of wanting to take a break and a sabbatical before I face the hardships I will need to face (which hopefully will be non-existent (?) when the time comes or as the days come closer). But I can't help but feel that the complacency at the back of my head is what's fueling the escapism - because why worry about the struggle to come, when you can do something you're passionate about - travelling. Why worry when your family will be there to back you up when all the shit hits the fan?

How petty of me. Blah blah blah.
[Edit] - I'm having the mindset now that to think about the problems I might be facing in Australia will only romanticize the notion of struggling to achieve success, which is not what I want.


  1. Replies
    1. thanks friend! :) hopefully, ill be settled in before Sydney Mardi Gras in march --- which you will be going to!! :)

    2. i'm really excited for you, friend! ;) i hope i get to visit you nga for mardi gras. pero if i go, i might be tempted to stay. mahirap yan. hahaha! :P