CH211: Transitions

Moving on is a state of being and a state of mind that's only reached not by distance or effort - but by the passage of time. It's ultimately a battle against one's self fought in the mind and heart. But, there is always a choice on how we approach and face the experience. Do we wallow in regret, fear, disappointment and sadness? Or do we stay strong, be happy, hold our heads high and look forward to the time when the pain is just but a distant memory?

...And I bet sometimes you wonder about me

And I just want to tell you

It takes everything in me not to call you

And I wish I could run to you

And I hope you know that

Everytime I don’t,

I almost do, I almost do

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you

‘Cause each time you reach out there’s no reply

I bet it never, ever occurred to you that I can’t say hello to you

And risk another goodbye

We made quite a mess, babe

It’s probably better off this way

And I confess, babe

That in my dreams you’re touching my face

And asking me if I want to try again with you

And I almost do

It's a painful process. But it's a phase by phase process. Each stage reminds you of the pain that once you reach the end, that it is indeed over. Period. Non existent. A distant memory. Over. It takes a certain kind of strength to take the leap and do something about actually moving past the stages and being okay again.

For now - despite initially wanting to be friends, I can't be there anymore without getting the impulse to take the leap again and give it another go. It's not going to happen anymore and we both acknowledged that to some extent - despite bits of protestations. I can't be friends with the specter of us hanging around. We both wished each other the best. But for now, I need some time to switch off and just be able to get over certain things. I need to excise you from my psyche which you seem to have deeply ingrained yourself in.

 So to you, I bid adieu.