God must be telling me to start running earlier when the sun is actually up...
In the middle of my run just now, it started raining heavily! I had to stop by an overpass to avoid getting soaking wet. I had my phone with me, so as much as I was tempted to experience running in the rain, I couldn't risk breaking my phone.
With me in the cover of the overpass was this lonesome man, with what I assume were all of his belongings.
It's quite sad, how rampant the disparity and inequality in the world is.
Under the overpass, I sought cover from the rain and there with me, a man called the overpass its shelter.
As a friend of mine who recently visited Singapore told me: (paraphrased) Once you get into the grind of losing weight and building muscles, it will never stop anywhere where you're satisfied. There's always going to be extra fat to trim off, there's always going to be loose skin that feels like fat that needs toning. There's always going to be that extra kilogram to lose.
Yes, I've been tainted...
You will always find yourself imperfect. You will always find the need to better yourself. You will become consumed with the obsession that if other people are able to look that good, so can you. You will lose yourself in the process on your journey towards self perfection. And at the end of the road when you're but all tired and nauseated from the efforts you've put in, you stare at the mirror and realize, where has this journey brought me?
****
The other day, while walking from Orchard MRT, I passed by a guy taller than me. My thought was, I wish I was taller... But then I realized to my left was a guy over a foot smaller. And my thought was, thank God I'm not that short.
I took back that thought and apologized because why is it that in order to feel good about ourselves and thankful for what we have, sometimes (most times?) we have to see how bad other people have it? Is it innate to humans? Does everything we have need to be benchmark-ed?
Do we have to see the negative in order to appreciate the positive things that we have?
"Magpasalamat ka at nakapagaral ka, marami diyan gusto makapagaral pero walang pera."
"Magpasalamat ka at nakakakain ka ng masasarap na pagkain, karamihan sa atin, toyo nalang inuulam."
"Magpasalamat ka at nakakasuot ka ng mga branded na damit, marami diyan umaasa lang sa bigay or mga pulot."
"Magpasalamat ka at may maganda kang trabaho na kumikita, marami paring walang trabaho."
I'm still trying to reconcile the thoughts on how to be thankful and just that without having the thoughts of other people having it bad. It goes back to the question of equality. Was the world intended to be a place where inequality is rooted? Or did inequality come to fruition because of what mankind made of the world?
****
My batchmate from dragonboat has been doing this comic bubbles using the comic touch app. He's done several of my batchmates as well. Today he did me along with some batchmates. I can't help but try to suppress the smile with the fact that there's some truth to the joke.
It's not a matter of trying to get even or whatnot. But, you fight fire with fire.
If on one hand there's something missing, then look to the other hand. I'll try to be careful and not get burned. I promise. Eventually, I will have to let go of what one hand is holding to hold the other in both hands.
It's nice, really, how a lunch date became an extended affair. On the same day, there was like a date after another and another and another. After lunch, you invited me over to your place to chill, and I got to play even for a bit the PS3 you guys have at your place. Then you invited me over to a party with cheese, wine, and pastries. It was a fun afternoon to evening affair and I got to meet a lot of new friends. You mix a good gin tonic + lime. Afterwards, we went out to a sports bar to drink beer. We got to see the Wimbledon finals. Then ate at McDonald's after.
If I'm not mistaken, I would say, that was a Sunday well spent. Although, I did miss going to church as I initially planned my Sunday. But, I'm sure He will understand. :-)
For some time when I reflected, I even thought, hey, maybe this could be a reason to stay in Singapore. I meant that as in to extend my stay and not leave before I head off to LA (subject to visa approval for both NZ and US) around late October. The lure of leaving Singapore and take a month long break in LA or wherever in US my sister plans to bring us is very hmmm alluring for a lack of a better word. I'm even thinking of joining to run a half marathon. From checking the dates, there's a half marathon on November 11 that will run through Malibu's beach! Or there's even a run through the vineyards of Napa Valley! Then I could spend either the Christmas in the Philippines or NZ after - putting an end to my Singapore journey. But, like I said, this could be a good reason to extend my stay maybe until April - the visa is good for 9 months after all from first entry in NZ with the visa.
Person 2: :-) What's that? You're whistling?
Person 1: No, that's a kiss without a heart like this one (emoticon below)
Person 2: Why is that? You're keeping your heart to yourself?
Person 1: No. Hahaha. It's just that I don't want the heart to get in between the kiss.
Person 2: Ohh. Witty. Witty answer there. I think you'll do great in the academia.
Innuendos, snide remarks, and whatnot. Excuse me if some conversations may seem a bit explicit. :)
1.
Person 1: Hello may face value ka naman kasi!
Person 2: kulang pa friend. I want to be able to say the line: "I'm more than just a pretty face!"
Person 2: kulang pa ng abs! Haha
2.
Person 1: ano ba kasi hanap mo?
Person 2: gusto Ko kumpletuhin Ang FIFA! Hahaha
Person 1: hahaha Hindi kita kinaya
3.
Person 1: I'm the head lawyer here in Singapore, I have properties in Europe and Australia. My favorite is in Mykonos. Do you want me to marry you there?
Person 2: Of course not! We just met! (patagong walkout)
4.
Person 1: Nasa bahay na kasi ako. Ayoko na gumalaw!
Person 2: Yung sa baba nag rereklamo Hahahaha!
Person 1: hahaha
Person 2: Galawin mo raw! Ay shet - bad!
Person 1: Kaloka ka!
Person 1: :P
5.
Person 1: Fota ang hapdi ng singit ko sa half marathon!
Person 2: Ay bakit nag kaskas? Hehe sa inner lining daw ng shorts sabi sa akin.
Person 1: Feel ko sa brep ko
Person 1: Super sikip
Person 2: Mag cardio ka hahaha! Para lumuwag ang brip!
Person 1: Tse!
6.
Person 1: Sana makasama ang mailap mong nanay (blogger) hahaha
Person 2: Hahaha nanay talaga? Napabayaan na ako kung ganun!
Person 1: Yes, siya ang prodigal mother!
Person 2: Pwede mag pa adopt? Haha naka ready na emancipation papers ko
Person 1: Kanino ka pa adopt? Wala akong maternal instinct haha
Person 2: Kelangan ko complete family! Si (blogger) single parent!
7.
Person 1: Nagusap lang kami. Getting to know each other. Ang saya! I enjoyed the conversation!
Person 2: That's great! As I said, you should put yourself out there for experience!
Person 1: Yupyup! You're my inspriration hahaha!
Person 2: Good! Now get laid!
8.
Person 1: Ang pangit mo friend LOL!
Person 2: Ang sama mo ... huhuhu
Person 1: Joke lang! hahaha mababa lang EQ?
Person 2: Haha yey! Joke lang? Hahaha
Person 2: Of course I know it was (a joke)! Hahaha feeling!
Person 1: BJ gusto mo? Lol! Auto correct or not?
Person 2: Hahahaha knowing you? It's hard to tell haha
Person 2: Wait lang! najejebs na talaga ako. Baka umurong!
9.
Person 1: I just had a date with an Australian guy! Thank you! It was all because of you! :)
Person 2: Nice! Is that in Blendr? I'm so happy for you! Teka, I hope this isn't some joke!
Person 1: He's British but moved to Australia. And yes, In Blendr - there are so many guys messaging me there! Mostly western!
Person 2: Nice! Just don't get your head wrapped around it so easily! Be careful and safe! Picture please!
Person 1: Here's the pic! He's 35 and I think he's just too old for me. What do you think?
Person 2: Too old?! Tanga! Tama na yan! Haha Did you exchange numbers? Bakit walang ***?
Person 1: Yep, we're communicating! He's too much of a gentleman. I said I had to go home by 10pm! Haha
Person 2: Tanga lang my curfew?! Did you check the ring finger?
Person 1: This time around, I asked! Hahaha he's single!
10.
Person 1: There are so many people here checking you out!
Person 2: Oh really, I didn't really notice? Where? Who?
Person 1: Look there the person wearing green and there and there.
Person 2: Ohhh ... haha, I think I should get over this self-esteem issue
Person 1: Dear, get over it!
The article did hit something in me. It got me into a contemplative mood and well, a bit depressed:
"The truth is, you will never be as passionate as your Fresh Grad self ever again. Make that passion last as long as you can. I don’t want to be dramatic, but really, that sparkle? Once it’s gone, you can never take it back. Oo, parang virginity lang."
I realized that despite all the good things that have happened in my life, it only filled in certain aspects of my life that might as well serve to cover up the other important things that matter - but not as much really - but enough to feel the void once you notice what's missing.
I have to be honest though, that some aspects meant to force a realization in the article, are stuff I already realized before. I didn't find it hard to find a job after graduation and was welcomed immediately in the arms of HP (I started working 12 days before I graduated). Working in HP was well, sort of okay at the start. But as the ramp-ups continued and more accounts were transitioned, we were over worked, under-manned, and let's just say, I've never told anyone in HP before as it remained within the family - I got sick. Not sick enough to not report to work - but seriously sick like in the blood. I won't elaborate on it.
Aside from getting sick, I got burnt out. -which is why I took a sabbatical (resigned) after working for 1 year 9 months. A self-imposed sabbatical to force me to experience what it was like to be unemployed. Doing that amid the global recession, well, hell yeah I found it hard to find another work. I forced myself to feel the helplessness that the article from Star touched on. I forced myself to know what it was like not having a "convenient" life of monthly salaries. I forced myself to learn what I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I did what I did to experience a mistake early on - to prevent it from happening again. I felt complacent but not in control.
It was a good and humbling experience. It forced me to realize what I wanted to do in life. After all, I was not the one who chose my course in college - my parents did and I let them. Aside from the burn out I experienced in HP, I thought then that I wasn't living my life as if I was the one driving it. I think it felt like I was being remotely controlled - to keep the metaphor going.
