CH195: Linger

Not too long ago.

...

I'm having trouble sleeping since your scent is everywhere. The shirt I lent you I'm wearing. The pillow you slept on and the blanket you used. You shouldn't have slept on my side of the bed.

I will surely miss you.

I lament that we ended the way we ended. I didn't want that. I loved you and will always love you. But the trust I have just kept getting ebbed away with each issue I tried to communicate with you...

I wish your realization you came over to talk to me about the other day came earlier. It would have allowed us more time to address our issues. I would have been able to not let my mistrust get the better of me.

And as I lay in bed wondering, I realized that sooner than later this scent will fade.

...

Anyway, it's good we're still friends and in touch. I'm just still having trouble letting go. But it's more 50/50 slowly becoming biased toward letting go. It's just a question of whether I'm ready to or not. But the path and direction you set for us will make it easier. There's no moping, no letting the sadness consume me, and whatever bullshit I wrote before (CH182: Mature Insights).

It will just be a sad situation when you decide you're ready to start a relationship again. You mentioned that we never know that somewhere down the road it will be right again for us. And I only managed to retort that it's either now or never. It will be overly complicated if we let ourselves be friends with that hope implanted in our minds. It will be said when you think you're ready but I'm no longer available - or heck, no longer in Singapore.

...

As ephemeral as it lingered, so will be the void. One scent replaced by another - in this case, mine over yours.