CH19: Shift in paradox

[migrated from livejournal]


now, one of the things I am not really sure I like about myself is my indecision on certain things...like how I'd go for one thing then change my mind about it the next. I get bored easily...

So...what has reviewing for the boards given me? Well, except for information overload. I actually am feeling like or as if I am enjoying my studying...for the boards...now if only the pressure of passing was non existent, then, the review may actually be fun!

So...what shift has occurred? Well, now I actually am seriously considering taking graduate studies...in wireless networks...that would involve firmware engineering. Hahaha. Luckily, I don't have any bond with hp. So...when I feel like the time is right, I can actually bail out...no strings attached. The only prolem I have with that is...money. I would need 20-30k monthly salary to maintain my preferred lifestyle. That's not too much when you think about how expensive and first world like things are in the philiipines. And besides, Im monetarily self supporting...

I believe, my being or feeling like an elitist has great influence in this. I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to be more. I want to be different. I want to excel in things not everyone can. I get my fix in that. Why try to be ordinary when you actually have the potential to be extraordinary? Hint hint. Well, I can be extraordinary in hp... But there are already a lot of extraordinary people there. I need a niche to excel in. Also giving consideration that I want to build things...to be a pioneer of some sort.

Pursuing grad studies was also motivated by the fact that I got a personal invite from doctor Que...well, the email body seemed general enough, but given the fact that it was a private email..and he said something like, they feel I am more than qualified...that i am the best possible candidate for grad studies and they believe I have the right attitude for grad studies (? Hehe)...well he also said that there are only 45 erdt scholarships available.
Could the said email have been sent to 45 people or more? Hahaha. Feelingero at its finest.

Maybe I am just being delusional...the only thing holding me back from accepting the offer right here and now is the board exam and that the second sem is not too far away...and the close ties I've already made in hp...and the money...and the uncertairy of finding a job suited to the grad study I was referring to...now, studying outside the country has taken a backseat. Although, the universities outside are higher in ranking and possibly - no, quite actually - more high tech... If the Philippines needs to create a better statistic of grad students produced...well, it would be an honor to be part of the count...

Or, again, I may just be delusional.