Walking the thin fine line between black and white - of the dark and the light - of the issues and salvation.
I scared myself last night - ending up having to sleep with the bedside lamp on. How did I end up doing that? If you want to have a similar experience, you can try the following:
1. Watch The Conjuring - although the film was scary in itself, there were some funny moments watching the exorcism part. A lot of times during the film, I got startled to the point where my feet jumped off the floor (while seated).
2. Recall how before your wardrobe opens by itself sometimes (loose hinges maybe)
3. Look up top your wardrobe and imagine a demon/ghost there watching down on you (my wardrobe is beside the bed)
4. While tucking yourself in, think about how it would feel like when you wake up to your leg getting pulled
5. Think how it will be to smell something rotten beside you
6. Think how in the darkness you might wake up and feel and see a presence by the corner
I ended up sleeping all covered up in the blanket - in my usual curled up fetal position, with the lights turned on. Sleep was sound. Although I enjoyed the feeling of the scare.
Threading the Water
I've never had a stigma to seeing a shrink before. I've never thought I would need one. The only thing that maybe I did consider then was that if we consider shrinks as intellectuals and that the personal discussions (despite being personal) were intellectual - that I might have some problem agreeing with their logical conclusion differing from mine.
But yes, feeling like a true New Yorker or whatever the sh*t stereotype would fit, I have met with somebody to discuss my personal issues with. Objective - that's what I could say how the discussion went. I actually did enjoy just blabbing and blabbing (like I usually do), and having someone help sort them out for me (not that my mind or personal life is a mess). And no, I'm not depressed or suicidal FYI.
It's enlightening and at the same time humbling when you realize there are other issues that exists in life. That you might not be aware that the feelings youre feeling and that the thoughts you are thinking and the experiences you are experiencing - could have clinical terms to them. :-)
I somehow think that seeing a shrink is some sort of "passage rite" like "Welcome to the Real World F*cker!". Haha just kidding. It just makes me wonder how come, these shrinks are more available/open to acceptance in 1st world countries - unlike in the Philippines. Or maybe that's just me or the social stigma attached in the Philippines to shrinks. But yes, it's a passage rite to understanding more of myself. I think I owe to my (eventual) 30 years old persona to have more understanding of myself.
Like threading the water of my mind, I can just have someone else row the boat for me while I...just talk, share, analyze and reflect. And of course, the actions come after. The road to self discovery...lol