[Random] We All Have Dreams

From 9GAG:

We All Have Dreams

"We All Have Dreams" - I hope people don't misinterpret this to mean "try and be something who you're not." The least people can do to reach their dreams is to work hard for it. But, the picture above with the stated caption I found at first hilarious...then rather "pretentious."

I think I'm becoming more and more cynical with age. :)

CH179: Reaction PDAF, Napoles and PH Politics

First off, I'd like to say that since I DONT work in the Philippines, I don't pay PH taxes. Second off, I don't remit money back to the PH. Thirdly, below are my commentaries on the news that has flooded the media regarding PH Politics and the corruption that it has unveiled. And fourth, I'm writing this down to chronicle my active interest in reading news pertaining to this 'change' that's happening within the Philippines and the political landscape it has.

Napoles
On the Napoles scam, as soon as the news hit the web and illustrations of Napoles' daughter came out living the life of luxury in the US, my initial reaction was, it's an effective method to hit home the point of the magnanimity of the scam. But, the afterthought I had was, what if the daughter was innocent and was unaware of the scheme(s) her parents did to obtain the ill gotten wealth? Doesn't that make us bullies preying on the naive/innocent(?). Do we crucify and stone the children for the sins of their parents?

My thought during the afterthought was: if I were Napoles' kid, would I have been inquisitive enough to get to the truth of my family's wealth? Or as a teen, would I have just lavished in it and care not for where the money was coming from, as long as they were coming in?

I can understand the popular sentiment of the Filipino people - being the most emotional people in the world - to ride on all the blogs, share the news, and really express their dismay, anger and frustration, that the money they were paying for as tax, was being siphoned out through bogus schemes. The truth will hopefully prevail. And I appreciate the grounds social media has enabled to rally people together.

The President, as I am now a believer, despite his stubbornness in pointing back to the previous administration of faults, will be good enough to oversee that whoever is at fault will be tried and judged accordingly. If he holds true to his campaign "the people are my boss", then he I believe, will make sure that's true.

PDAF
With the recent announcement of the reorganihzation on how the fund is allocated, I again saw more outrage that it's not immediately abolishing the scheme itself, but actually just re-branding. My thought on the matter is that, we (the people in my News Feed posting) are urban-centric. When we commented on the matter, did we think about the situation of the people in far flung areas who don't have roads or have less means to get proper education and schooling?

Yes, abolishing the pork will do a lot of good in eliminating political patronage and separating the executive from the legislative. But what about the good the pork has done? As was repeatedly mentioned before by the President, there are a lot of good the PDAF scheme provided - education, medical mission, road rehabilitation - provided of course it was by an honest congressman/senator (note: at the expense of political patronage to a degree). Do we just stop the ongoing benefits that it is providing to the poor?

The poor as I have noticed, does not have the voice or medium to be heard. Do we - the urban - respect their thoughts on the matter? They voted for the people (mostly incompetent - in my general perception - I might add) in power did they not?  Who speaks for them on social media?

I agree more with the gradual abolishment of the PDAF as Senator Miriam Santiago had suggested with the schemes as suggested by the President put in place. While it is gradually being abolished, the government can find a more effective means to institutionalize something that will be mandated to make proper use of the PDAF or whatever name it will be called by then - outside the hands of the legislative branches. The PDAF I believe, despite my anger and frustration with the way it was used and managed, is a good social equalizer - bringing to the poorest of the poor, the progress that we enjoy in the urban areas (assuming of course it was handled correctly)

PH Politics
Political patronage, feudalism, and political dynasties, etc are the seeming trend in the political landscape of the Philippines. But I can see, as a country, we are moving in the right direction. It doesn't feel like before, where the more popular sentiment was "scandal na naman? nakakasawa na." Reaction - without action...until the pot comes to a boil and water starts seeping out. With the advent of social media, and as news gets delivered faster, the rate at which the water comes to a boil, I feel has become faster. It's a great catalyst to action - social media.

I can't say how the landscape will change - if the majority of the voters vote because of political patronage or popularity. But, eventually we'll get to where we need as fit to us. I mean that in the sense that there's no point comparing the PH to other countries in terms of how they managed to resolve their issues. History after all is studied to learn a lesson from events to apply in the now - but not to apply the same lessons as written in the text. If the masses were educated and as we get more entrants to middle income families, then the social and political structure should change accordingly.

[Random] Not Necessarily Necessary

The other day, I had a weird dream of wanting to get a shirt with the Kenzo Tiger print on it.

Or even a sweater.

I don't know why, how or what for ever reason did I suddenly think about wanting them in my dream. I mean, I believe the last time I saw the Kenzo Tiger print on a magazine was last year or maybe 2 years ago. I don't know. But, after dreaming about wanting the print, I noticed that from my usual preference for striped tees (I have a lot of striped stuff), I suddenly wanted to get more shirts into my wardrobe with striking graphic prints such as the Kenzo Tiger.

I had a look around some malls the other day, following the desire to get more graphic prints into my clothing options, but didn't really find anything. I ended up buying something from Levi's though because Mksurf8 's hosting a party this saturday and he said there will be a fashion show. LOL. I went into Levi's (despite my preference over Uniqlo) thinking I wanted an All-American look for the party (still have to find a good denim shorts/pants though).

So, anyway, when I got home, I thought, hey, maybe ASOS will have some nice graphic printed tees available. The positive on it is some items are not readily accessible in SG, so, they will be unique in a sense (I hope). I ended up buying:

lol. something close to a Kenzo Tiger Print - a Lion hahaha

something white as I think I only have 2. i prefer grey or black for plain

New toms to replace an old pair from Lacoste that's seen better days

And something for dress down fridays

I had a feel good realization from after going through more than 20+ items I liked but not available in my size. It's been a little over two years when I was buying size L. Now, I get size XS. :-)

I can see the appeal now of online shopping. It's not the first venture though to online fashion shopping. The first time I bought stuff from ASOS, i bought socks and underwear :)

Not necessarily necessary to spend, but it's a stress reliever.

CH178: Threading the Water

Walking the thin fine line between black and white - of the dark and the light - of the issues and salvation.
....


The Conjuring
I scared myself last night - ending up having to sleep with the bedside lamp on. How did I end up doing that? If you want to have a similar experience, you can try the following:
1. Watch The Conjuring - although the film was scary in itself, there were some funny moments watching the exorcism part. A lot of times during the film, I got startled to the point where my feet jumped off the floor (while seated).
2. Recall how before your wardrobe opens by itself sometimes (loose hinges maybe)
3. Look up top your wardrobe and imagine a demon/ghost there watching down on you (my wardrobe is beside the bed)
4. While tucking yourself in, think about how it would feel like when you wake up to your leg getting pulled
5. Think how it will be to smell something rotten beside you
6. Think how in the darkness you might wake up and feel and see a presence by the corner
...
I ended up sleeping all covered up in the blanket - in my usual curled up fetal position, with the lights turned on. Sleep was sound. Although I enjoyed the feeling of the scare.

Threading the Water
I've never had a stigma to seeing a shrink before. I've never thought I would need one. The only thing that maybe I did consider then was that if we consider shrinks as intellectuals and that the personal discussions (despite being personal) were intellectual - that I might have some problem agreeing with their logical conclusion differing from mine.

But yes, feeling like a true New Yorker or whatever the sh*t stereotype would fit, I have met with somebody to discuss my personal issues with. Objective - that's what I could say how the discussion went. I actually did enjoy just blabbing and blabbing (like I usually do), and having someone help sort them out for me (not that my mind or personal life is a mess). And no, I'm not depressed or suicidal FYI.

It's enlightening and at the same time humbling when you realize there are other issues that exists in life. That you might not be aware that the feelings youre feeling and that the thoughts you are thinking and the experiences you are experiencing - could have clinical terms to them. :-)

I somehow think that seeing a shrink is some sort of "passage rite" like "Welcome to the Real World F*cker!". Haha just kidding. It just makes me wonder how come, these shrinks are more available/open to acceptance in 1st world countries - unlike in the Philippines. Or maybe that's just me or the social stigma attached in the Philippines to shrinks. But yes, it's a passage rite to understanding more of myself. I think I owe to my (eventual) 30 years old persona to have more understanding of myself.

Like threading the water of my mind, I can just have someone else row the boat for me while I...just talk, share, analyze and reflect. And of course, the actions come after. The road to self discovery...lol

[Random] Familiar Tunes

*beep*
*beep*

The all so familiar tune of phone alerts.
In the wee hours of the morning, I woke to the sounds.
I resolved myself to fix my notifications setting.
I can't lose sleep over other's restlessness.

*beep*

Creatures of the night come prowling.
Longing. Anticipating. Seeking.
Hoping. Hoping for attention.
Finding. Finding affirmation.

*beep*

The process has begun.
Patterns need to be broken.
For all that's over needs to be over.
The hunt has begun.

*beep*

The hunter and the hunted.
The prey and the predator.
What are we all in this world -
But creatures awaiting validation.

CH177: The Arrangement

*Last night
A well of emotions burst forth. From the messages of frustration, anger and helplessness.
Tears flowed to the tunes of Sad (by Maroon 5) and All Good Things [Come to and End] (by Nelly Furtado).
There was a song 4 In The Morning (by Gwen Stefani) that felt quite apt to all that I really wanted from the relationship.

The Arrangement
The key to the arrangement was for CP to find the fire in us to fight. Figuratively speaking, consider the fire as "passion" - to escape from the idea that to fight is violence.

We've mostly kept in touch during that period despite the arrangement was to keep the distance and minimize (avoid) contact.

As the days of the arrangement was coming to a close, I was weird-ed out by the feeling that it doesn't seem like there was any intent to end it anymore. It turns out, CP admits to the fact that CP became accustomed to the "metaphorically-single" life.

Instead of a harmonious getting back together, there was a lot of drama involved. Self realizations that the relationship was causing me unnecessary insecurities, over thinking and over analyzing. It was mostly dragging to the point of exhaustion.

The Promise
I realize almost too late, that the only reason why I have been feeling helpless to let go - despite the unhappiness, was the promise I made. "I promise I will never hurt you or leave you behind in hurt" Such words that self restrict.

The promise, as I believe now, was clawing at my thoughts that whatever it was I will decide in the relationship was a precedent to what future ones I will have. "If I leave now despite what I am and have been feeling, will this be a precursor to 'giving up too easily' in the next one when an argument arises" To cheat and therefore to void the promise came to mind several times, but I never really saw myself to be such after I was cheated on before.

But there was more to it than what was on the surface

CH176: Kai Shao

Recently, one of my friends from high school (who i haven't really kept in touch with) messaged me on Facebook. The typical me wondering why I am being messaged all of a sudden was suspect of the nature of the message and why it was out of the blue.

Regardless, I entertained the 'Kumusta?', 'We haven't seen you in our past reunions of late','How is SG?' - blah blah blah - the usual formalities just to be polite. But I was right - there was an ulterior motive to the messaging. The intent was finally revealed - "Are you interested for me to 'Kai Shao' you to a friend of mine?"

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Kai Shao - or the Chinese practice of introducing two people together - not for the intent of friendship, not coitus, but traditionally - for bloodline preservation. I found this article online that I think explains the modern translation and practice of it which is more relevant. (http://cheftonio.blogspot.sg/2013/04/modern-kai-shao.html).
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My first reaction was upon reading that was of course laugh out loud. Then I thought, am I not too old for this being set-up situation? Do I look like I need help? And then the next thought went like - that's so antiquated! Of all the terms to use to summarize the intent - why use the term Kai Shao?

Although admittedly of course, I turned her down given that I think she's not that into Facebook to read on the subtle hints I've laid on there. Thankfully, close friends got the hint so there was no need for further explanations on the matter.

In hindsight when I look back at how I said that I wasn't interested, she stopped messaging. So, I was thinking, was the message to initiate 'Kai Shao' a favor for her friend or was it for my favor and interest she was for? But I take it as a compliment in the back of my head that I'm still 'eligible' in some people's consideration :-)). It's nice to get one's di ego - stroked every so often lol #inuendo (hahaha just kidding.)