CH252: An Introspective Digression

After my trip around the US and Europe a couple of months back, I saw within myself a change that I was more laid back. In comparison to being hot headed fresh out of college and looking to be in a rush to climb the corporate ladder. In certain events during my trip like when I lost my iPAD when i left it in the train toilet...I was rushing out to get off my stop because the train was going to Ventimiglia after. Italian trains are on time. Well I didn't really mind losing the iPad. I was quickly over it after I spoke with my mom about it.

Digressing. Anyway, since arriving in Sydney, I realized I'm still a bit hot headed and easily impatient. Just a week and a half into living here, the pressure had built up for me to find a job and get settled in. I have to force myself out of the zone of thinking about it to be able to relax. I could be enjoying myself, going to museums, having fun, relaxing, but my natural instinct had been to situate myself in a position of being here for a few months without a job. It's not as if the recruiters and companies will work according to my schedule, so I've been bound by other people's schedule and somehow the impatience just grows.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing to create a stressful and high pressure environment for me to strive harder. I've applied to multiple jobs not directly related to what I do just to be able to put up a cushion in case the layers of comfort I've submitted my applications to fall through. My mind plays a situation where I put myself in a situation that I've failed. I know this feeing before when I left my job in HP during the height of the US (and global) recession to take a break and learn the lesson and desperation of being unemployed. Maybe I was traumatized by that experience so I'm reliving worst case scenarios in my head.

So as I've introspected, I figured that the only reason I am the way I am now is because for the most part of my life, I got the things I wanted and aspired for. I got high honors in school because I studied hard and worked for it. I wanted to go around the globe in 42 days so I saved up for it and traveled...although this one was partially enabled by my mom who so graciously cushioned my expenses and even gave me emergency money. I wanted to move out of SG and migrate to Australia permanently, so I did. There have been so many things I wanted and thought to have needed and attained, that the concept of begging for a job to be able to settle in Australia has become a situation outside my comfort zone.

I did play the situation in my head before I moved and felt mentally I was well prepared. Maybe I am or was, but not to the extent I imagined.

But now I'm here, there are no regrets or thoughts of wanting to leave or feeling like I made the wrong choice. I'm excited actually of what comes after I find a job because then I'll be free to navigate my life with security...which then comes to full circle with me getting what I wanted after overcoming the obstacle of finding a job.

So...as i digressed, I guess it brings about the reality that dreams do come true after all...with hard work. But I tend to underestimate stuff and I feel for the most part, I haven't worked hard enough to have gotten the things I dreamt of.

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Also, worth sharing, I've been reading the Velvet Rage by Alan Downs. And here's an interesting passage from the book with regards to passion.

"Passion is the repeated experience of joy in doing something. When one discovers passion, it is usually because an activity seems to produce joy each time it is performed. Normally, there is a diminishing return on the joy associated with an activity. Not so when passion is present. The activity produces a surprising and satisfying amount of joy, again and again.

"Passion is a meta-emotion-an emotion that is felt only after observing other emotions over time. Passion is present when you observe that the same activity consistently brings you joy."

CH251: A Look Back: Sintra, Cabo de Roca & Cascais, Portugal

A day trip out to Sintra, Cabo de roca (the western most tip of Europe) and Cascais. 

Sintra, visiting the Palace of Pena was amazing. A UNESCO heritage site, it's definitely worth a visit.
The tour group was also nice. Aside from me, there was:

1. Jenny and Sarah - jenny the grandma was with her granddaughter who is studying in London for an exchange program. They live in Sacramento. Jenny was born in China but moved to Taipei when she was 1 and then moved to the US when she was 20. She's been living in the US for 45 years now she says.

2. Nanita and Bob - a couple staying in New York but recently moved to Kentucky. Nanita was apparently Filipino, but I learned of that by the tour's end.

3. Sabrina, Ria and Gabriella - a single (separated) mom with her kids from Toronto.

haha, yes i just did a profile of the tour group i was with. It was a pleasant tour and I highly recommend it. As was mentioned this was booked through viator.com (where most of my tours were booked).

The visit to Sintra comprised of the Palace of Pena and the lunch break in the city center where I ate at a cafe with a menu set with "by Gordon Ramsay". So, the roasted cod I had cost 39.00 euros complete with appetizer of bread, olives and cheese (i think it was camembert) and a glass of Muralhas (vinho verde - green sparkling wine).

The visit to Cabo de Roca which is the western most tip of Europe was reminiscent of my visit to the northern most tip of New Zealand where you can see two seas meet. The view was nice. It was interesting to hear that from that viewpoint, the Portuguese used to think it was the end of the world as the horizon was just the Atlantic.

The trip to Cascais was less eventful. I just went around the city center. As was told by the guide, it was a bit like Beverly Hills where the rich people usually stay in. I just had a 3 euro Gelato and went my way. I had Milk Caramel and Toasted Almonds. They were soooooo goood! :)

Then after that we went back to Lisbon via the coastal road to drop Sabrina and kids in Belem.

[Side Note]:
I know I said in the previous entry that there would be less narration, but I found that the entry I put up in Facebook already had a good narration of it. If I recall correctly, I did that with the intent of just copy pasting the narration to here hahaha.

CH250: A Look Back: Lisbon, Portugal

From the airport coming out of the undeground Metro, I was pleasantly taken aback by how beautiful Lisbon was. Maybe because the weather was fantastic, but that's the impression that's stuck with me upon coming out. Clean, white and pristine - well at least the city center or the area I came out of was. The weather cooperated pretty much the whole length of the stay. It was a European spring (start of it) so a fine amount of layering was in order :)

During this leg of the ~9-10 day trip to Portugal and Spain, I did not just stay in Lisbon but also visited Sintra (the Fairy Tale castle which is also a UNESCO heritage site) - of which, the tour there included Cascais, and the western coast of Lisbon - as well as did a whole day trip to the Belem district where there are more historical architectures (Palaces, Monuments etc).

Anyway, this is a "LOOK" back and not a "NARRATIVE" back hahaha, so after nearly a year (maybe 10 months) since I visited the place, enjoy the selected pictures! xoxo

CH249: Unsettled

So, I'm back in Manila tentatively. Just in time for my Cousin's wedding tomorrow/later. I can't help but feel not at home considering that in two weeks time I'll be off again - and this time, for the most part, for good.

More goodbyes. More see you soon. More new adventures. More things to come.

Since being back, I can't help but reminisce the adventures I've been on the past 42 days. I'm glad I went all in with pushing it through despite budgetary constraints :) my mom did help buoy my financial considerations :)) The itch has been scratched and I'm feeling more and more scared as well as hopeful and excited for whatever may come. Dreams of saving up, getting a loan and buying a house and car to call my own. I'm 28 but just starting this journey! Some friends already have houses and those stuff, and all I have are memories. It's not a bad thing, I guess. As I read through a friend's recommended book, "Velvet Rage", life is mostly about authentic validation. It's a psychological need every human has. And for the most part of the past 3-4 years, it's very I get it from.

I'm hopeful things will be for the better and I can finally find a place to call home and get all settled.

Now, a quick look back

Amsterdam - canal

Brussels - atomium 

Bruges

Milan - galleria Vittorio Emanuele 

Genoa - Palazzo Real Hall of mirrors 

Pisa - leaning tower

Cinqueterre - Vernazza

Nice, France

Cot d'Azur - Eze, France

Monte Carlo, Monaco

Lyon

Paris

Versailles

New York (Brooklyn)

LA

Malibu (Getty Villa)

Santa Barbara

San Simeon (Hearst Castle Neptune Pool - where they shot lady Gaga's GUY)

Monterey (Aquarium)

San Francisco

CH248: On the Road

I'm sitting in a bus from Genoa, Italy en route to Nice, France. I've contemplated...

Am I successful by society's standards? No, I don't think so.

Am I privileged to be living the life I'm experiencing at this moment in time? No.

Am I happy? Yes. And somehow, it seems that's all that matters. I feel like I'm on the verge of realizing and experiencing what it means to live a life. To be happy and content. Isn't that all it takes to make one's life worth living?

I'm happy my family is stable. My sister with her family in LA - rearing my niece who is 5-6 months old. My brother in Auckland with his wife and two children having just sold their old house and moving to a new bigger one next year. My parents who are almost retired investing in real estate for their retirement funds and cash flow. Everybody who is important (familial importance) in my life seems happy and content - and in turn, I'm happy and content for them the same way at this moment in my life, I'm filled with so much gratefulness because of the enormous impossibility of adventures I'm living through.

I'm still halfway through my journey around Europe and USA, but I'm loving every bit of experience so far. Never in my mind did the thought of doing what I'm doing my cross my mind before. 3.5 years ago was the first time I told myself I will overcome my fear of traveling alone. I did a short trip by myself to Rayleigh - Krabi Thailand...and now I'm on a bus that just crossed the France-Italy border!

Happy and content. It's not too much to ask, but I'm grateful for everything.

After this whole journey, will be the challenge of settling down in Australia! I haven't really thought much about it. Right now, I'm just living my life one day at a time.

Xoxo

CH247: No Regrets. No Turning Back.

"Earlier after the shower I felt like, this is it! I'm going on a big adventure! There's so much to be thankful this year and it can feel overwhelming but all I can feel is just be thankful about everything! :)"

As I'm typing this in the Singapore Airline lounge, I realize that I'm not leaving Singapore with a heavy heart. This is what it's like to have lived an experience without regrets. This is what it's like to have lived life. This is what it's like to make the most of what life has to offer.

I embrace my leaving Singapore to go to my next adventure with a humble heart. 2014 had its share of ups and downs, but all the experiences have made me a better person. There really is so much to be thankful for, my life yes tear up thinking about them! I guess this is what it means to feel overwhelmed...bittersweet!

So last night, I booked a suite at the Marina Mandarin for my going away party. It seems vain to be hosting one, but I wanted a party not to celebrate my leaving but more to get the chance to see the people who have made my stay in Singapore a memorable one.

Thank you Angelo for organizing much of the surprise and to Jon for the video that made me cry not because I was sad but because I was dearly touched by it. It doesn't happen often that I cry in front of a huge crowd, but who cares! :) I don't often show how vulnerable I feel, but in the company of the people I shall treasure memories with, I guess there was no better time to cry.

Pictures!

And this happened :))

Keep loving life everybody! Xoxo