CH184: 27 and Still Impulsive

Last Wednesday, I was day dreaming about going on a vacation for the coming (possible) long weekend on October here in Singapore. I got disappointed quickly trying to find good fares to fly off to somewhere.

And then I thought, why not go the weekend after so fares might be cheaper. And so, one hour after going to Siem Reap crossed my mind, I breathed in and out and booked flights from October 17-20 via Singapore Airlines. It so happen I can use some miles to pay off some of the cost and I got about a discount of 100 Singapore dollars for 10000 miles or so.

So, yeah, I booked a solo trip going to Siem Reap in the back of my head thinking I want to go there backpack style in preparation for one of my bucket list to go to Europe backpacking before I turn the big 3-0. (Which is less than 3 years away!!) I'll have yet to see though if I can pull it off haha. I have already contacted private tour guides to bring me around for my short stay in Siem Reap.

Aside from Siem Reap, what other happenings have been going on in my life? Well, I also impulsively booked for an appointment to get a 64 GB Gold IPhone 5s the week before this. I initially just wanted a 32Gb model considering the 64Gb iphone 5 I had was under used in terms of memory specs. I don't play as much games as I used to - although right now I'm hooked with Infinity Blade 3 and just spent about 50Sgd to buy the game and some in-app purchase (yes, out of impulse still). I got the 64 one for the 5s because I just wanted to get it over with and not have to bother myself waiting for a 32Gb to be available. Plus, I did promise my brother my IPhone 5 after my Mom urged me to upgrade before once there was one available. :)

I must say after getting my 5s that its so beautiful. :) I don't mean to exaggerate but having played the boundary pusher Infinity Blade 3, I must say being aware of tech to some extent, that a lackluster spec will just not do to have the same fluidity I was experiencing in-game.

That aside, my friends and I went out last night for drinks. It was an awesome night just chilling and relaxing and having fun. We also met a new friend - who coincidentally is also named C. He's CR. And of course, following the narration...

27 and still impulsive. Might I mention I also bought this concrete ring from Taiwan (22design studio) because I wanted something tangible to enact the learnings I have been reading from Dale Carnegie's book (How to make friends and influence people).

I highly recommend the book. Although it may seem common sense to learn, it's very well written with a lot of examples cited from famous people's experiences. I started reading it and to be honest, I had a glimpse on what possible solution there could be for the experience I shared over at my entry CH182: Mature Insights.

CH183: Bipolar

I was chatting once with my friend Bien on how some people tend to be bipolar on twitter. Some people who are unexpectedly chatty can be quite reserved and quiet in real life. And after a recent conversation over twitter, it got me wondering if I was the same as well. Although, I'm quite sure I'm as noisy as I can be on twitter, but being lewd online or in private conversations with friends...hahaha i'd like to think it's not the persona I carry throughout! Or am I being in denial?

From conversations on reserving an iPhone 5s...

To the use of lubrication! Hahahaha

Okay, I'll zip it. That was of course just meant to be a joke. A mature joke. Not meant for kids! Green jokes can be fun when in an appropriate discussion, right...right?

CH182: Mature Insights

And the truth of the matter is, you can only keep trying to make something work. But at some point, you have to realize that love does not conquer all. That at the end of the day, life is as real as it can be. The fantasy called love is beleaguered as life is. You have to realize and see for yourself that some people are just not compatible together. Some people can try and try and try and try but never make it work. Then, that's the time you have to accept, this isn't working anymore. And then, you look into yourself and the experiences you went through - and you analyze where you, the other person and the both of you went wrong.

I'm quite analytical to the point of over analyzing. I feel quite okay with coming to this ending. I had troubles letting go many times because during those times, I couldn't quite accept - not that its over - but more because I couldnt accept ending something I didn't know or understood why. My mind was thinking - if I can't understand something, then there should still be a solution to solve the problem. But, I have found my closure in understanding why and how a relationship can and has failed - and that some solutions to problems don't exist (much like math). I do know my shortcomings - whether they were existent even before or brought about by circumstances not written in this blog, I don't know.

What matters is I know on my part what I did to lead to this ending. Knowing my mistakes paves way for better chances of making the next one better and last. My initial fears of ending it because I didn't want my giving up to be a precedent to giving up too easily in the future has become myth.

The arrangement may have been over. But, now "it" really is. And I can't say at the moment whether I regret anything. I'm trying to keep moving forward on this road I am after it was decided that both embark on separate paths. If before when I look back, I keep seeing CP there at the crossroad leading me to do a 180. Now, when I look back, I see no one; so i forge ahead knowing full well that if i keep going the distance, the farther I go, the less likely I'll ever want to turn my head back around to see whether there's still someone at the crossroad waiting.

Sometimes, it just doesn't work out.

CH181: Applause

Music
My housemates must be thinking: "Man, hasnt that guy gotten sick of hearing the same song?!" Well, I can only hope that they're not hearing it through closed doors - but I've been playing Lady Gaga's Applause from YouTube ALOT!

I am a fan of Lady Gaga for reasons like, she's the Madonna of this generation (I'd like to say I'm still part of that generation) despite being in the late 20s haha. I like the evolution in her music and approach to present it to her fans. Although, this song in particular is reminiscent of her tunes from The Fame album. The Fame Monster and Born This Way had a darker and edgier tone to the music.

Given that I have limited exposure to American modern art, her reference to Jeff Koons is a bit lost on me. Although, some people have likened her approach to melding art and music to someone like Andy Warhol, when I think about it through my limited exposure to art, I feel she's more Jackson Pollock (i.e. his drip painting style) where the approach Lady Gaga takes is quite considered. Considered in the sense that there's order amid the chaos of presentation. And you have to appreciate the thought behind Lady Gaga as a persona and the body of people behind it to assist the person create and execute the persona.

Profile Picture
In a different form of applause, I just got my fix of applause with Facebook likes for a change of profile picture. LOL. Although, I'd like to put out the disclaimer that I didn't change it to get attention - I simply changed it because it has been drizzling the whole day in SG, and a summer post on the beach seemed highly inappropriate. (Note: I've played Applause 7x at this point of typing this haha)

Work
Regarding work, in relation to the song, I feel like the reason why I get bored so quickly with work is because the ones I've gotten so far since coming to SG does not really give me the opportunity to shine. Shine in the sense of being challenge and not shining in the sense of getting attention for the achievement. I think I'm at a point in my life where I challenge myself to please myself and not others - well, I guess it will just be a plus to be noticed.

But, I'm not sure at the moment whether it's just me, or it's the actual work that's the source of the *eye-roll* boredom. To explain this further, I hear a lot of people say they're stressed from work, etc. But whenever I get asked, I'm more like, "yeah, it's okay." The safest answer I could give without giving too much away. So, the point of contemplation is, am i expecting too much challenge to be presented? I mean, yes, I should be thankful for the relatively stress free work environment and relatively easy work load - but is it easy only because it's me and how I make of it? That if other people were in my position, they'd be like, "oh i love this job and how it's challenging me?"

Or then again, I could be falling under the stereotype of the 20 something people who are not satisfied with the job they have. I feel though that I am successful compared to my peers, but I don't feel like I should be resting on my laurels just because of that. I want to keep pushing the boundaries. But at the moment, since I'm new at the job (just turning two months), I think I should stop bickering and find other things to preoccupy myself and actually enjoy and appreciate where I am at.

Family
And, hahaha, I nearly forgot to type it in, I'm an uncle again! My sister in law gave birth to my niece earlier today. Welcome to the family Ysabel Patricia! ;) (clap clap clap). So excited to have heard the good news and the safe delivery of baby Ysa. My nephew Yoshua will be a big brother now. Would be interesting and nice to see how he grows up. And, from the looks of it, the siblings look very very similar during birth. Yay to good cute genes! :) Although, I hope there wont be much of any sibling rivalry considering how close their birthdays are. September 9 and September 26.

CH180: Phantom of the Opera

Last Friday, my best friend from the Philippines was supposed to come over for a short weekend in Singapore. She signed up for a Citibank credit card which entitled her to redeem free round-trip tickets. Unfortunately, there was a mishap with the arrangement and she wasn't able to get on her flight. She only realized about the mishap when she was already in the airport (late from the usual Manila traffic).

What happened? Well, apparently, she got charged with some amount relating to travel tax or airport tax on her credit card. She thought it was an unauthorized transaction and panicked and had her card blocked and the charge disputed. In turn, after all the brouhaha, she realized at the airport when she missed her flight that, that was why her booking got cancelled. No use pointing the finger though :).

So, with her cancellation, I panicked because I had to find someone to go with me and purchase the ticket and come along with me. Thankfully, my friend Angelo was available! :)

How did I like Phantom of the Opera? Well, it was amazing - but not Wicked amazing. Wicked is for sure my benchmark for theater/musical productions. For both productions, I was not familiar with any of the songs nor the story. But I found (still) Wicked to have moved me more (to some tears during Defying Gravity pre-intermission, and at the end). Whereas with Phantom of the Opera - despite two glasses of Chardonnay I had, when the emotion was finally building up with the Phantom's drama sequence - the show ended. I thought there would have been 5-10 more minutes before it ended - but end it did.

To put in perspective the songs/soundtrack, etc of Phantom, I'd say, Wicked will have to be #1 overall. I like the tracks of Les Mis more than Phantom. Although, this is not to say it was bad. But I think my taste for music is not as refined (yet? maybe hahaha) as to appreciate the soprano's vocal acrobatics and Opera-like singing.

In terms of the costumes, set design, props etc, I'd say, it was really impressive. It gave of an authentic Parisian-grandoise vibe. As I posted on my timeline, watching Phantom only reinforced my desire to see Europe before I turn the big 3-0. No particular reason really for the before age hahaha, just making sure I have ample time to actually save and accumulate the necessary resource for funding.

If you can watch Phantom of the Opera, I'd still say go go go! One can never have enough exposure to musicals, theater plays, art, whatnot. Don't just nourish your body with food and gym! Nourish your soul!Hahaha. Not! But, yes, I think, watching musicals culture and enrich us to be our better selves. The same way I believe the same for books and reading literature when time permits.

[Random] We All Have Dreams

From 9GAG:

We All Have Dreams

"We All Have Dreams" - I hope people don't misinterpret this to mean "try and be something who you're not." The least people can do to reach their dreams is to work hard for it. But, the picture above with the stated caption I found at first hilarious...then rather "pretentious."

I think I'm becoming more and more cynical with age. :)

CH179: Reaction PDAF, Napoles and PH Politics

First off, I'd like to say that since I DONT work in the Philippines, I don't pay PH taxes. Second off, I don't remit money back to the PH. Thirdly, below are my commentaries on the news that has flooded the media regarding PH Politics and the corruption that it has unveiled. And fourth, I'm writing this down to chronicle my active interest in reading news pertaining to this 'change' that's happening within the Philippines and the political landscape it has.

Napoles
On the Napoles scam, as soon as the news hit the web and illustrations of Napoles' daughter came out living the life of luxury in the US, my initial reaction was, it's an effective method to hit home the point of the magnanimity of the scam. But, the afterthought I had was, what if the daughter was innocent and was unaware of the scheme(s) her parents did to obtain the ill gotten wealth? Doesn't that make us bullies preying on the naive/innocent(?). Do we crucify and stone the children for the sins of their parents?

My thought during the afterthought was: if I were Napoles' kid, would I have been inquisitive enough to get to the truth of my family's wealth? Or as a teen, would I have just lavished in it and care not for where the money was coming from, as long as they were coming in?

I can understand the popular sentiment of the Filipino people - being the most emotional people in the world - to ride on all the blogs, share the news, and really express their dismay, anger and frustration, that the money they were paying for as tax, was being siphoned out through bogus schemes. The truth will hopefully prevail. And I appreciate the grounds social media has enabled to rally people together.

The President, as I am now a believer, despite his stubbornness in pointing back to the previous administration of faults, will be good enough to oversee that whoever is at fault will be tried and judged accordingly. If he holds true to his campaign "the people are my boss", then he I believe, will make sure that's true.

PDAF
With the recent announcement of the reorganihzation on how the fund is allocated, I again saw more outrage that it's not immediately abolishing the scheme itself, but actually just re-branding. My thought on the matter is that, we (the people in my News Feed posting) are urban-centric. When we commented on the matter, did we think about the situation of the people in far flung areas who don't have roads or have less means to get proper education and schooling?

Yes, abolishing the pork will do a lot of good in eliminating political patronage and separating the executive from the legislative. But what about the good the pork has done? As was repeatedly mentioned before by the President, there are a lot of good the PDAF scheme provided - education, medical mission, road rehabilitation - provided of course it was by an honest congressman/senator (note: at the expense of political patronage to a degree). Do we just stop the ongoing benefits that it is providing to the poor?

The poor as I have noticed, does not have the voice or medium to be heard. Do we - the urban - respect their thoughts on the matter? They voted for the people (mostly incompetent - in my general perception - I might add) in power did they not?  Who speaks for them on social media?

I agree more with the gradual abolishment of the PDAF as Senator Miriam Santiago had suggested with the schemes as suggested by the President put in place. While it is gradually being abolished, the government can find a more effective means to institutionalize something that will be mandated to make proper use of the PDAF or whatever name it will be called by then - outside the hands of the legislative branches. The PDAF I believe, despite my anger and frustration with the way it was used and managed, is a good social equalizer - bringing to the poorest of the poor, the progress that we enjoy in the urban areas (assuming of course it was handled correctly)

PH Politics
Political patronage, feudalism, and political dynasties, etc are the seeming trend in the political landscape of the Philippines. But I can see, as a country, we are moving in the right direction. It doesn't feel like before, where the more popular sentiment was "scandal na naman? nakakasawa na." Reaction - without action...until the pot comes to a boil and water starts seeping out. With the advent of social media, and as news gets delivered faster, the rate at which the water comes to a boil, I feel has become faster. It's a great catalyst to action - social media.

I can't say how the landscape will change - if the majority of the voters vote because of political patronage or popularity. But, eventually we'll get to where we need as fit to us. I mean that in the sense that there's no point comparing the PH to other countries in terms of how they managed to resolve their issues. History after all is studied to learn a lesson from events to apply in the now - but not to apply the same lessons as written in the text. If the masses were educated and as we get more entrants to middle income families, then the social and political structure should change accordingly.

[Random] Not Necessarily Necessary

The other day, I had a weird dream of wanting to get a shirt with the Kenzo Tiger print on it.

Or even a sweater.

I don't know why, how or what for ever reason did I suddenly think about wanting them in my dream. I mean, I believe the last time I saw the Kenzo Tiger print on a magazine was last year or maybe 2 years ago. I don't know. But, after dreaming about wanting the print, I noticed that from my usual preference for striped tees (I have a lot of striped stuff), I suddenly wanted to get more shirts into my wardrobe with striking graphic prints such as the Kenzo Tiger.

I had a look around some malls the other day, following the desire to get more graphic prints into my clothing options, but didn't really find anything. I ended up buying something from Levi's though because Mksurf8 's hosting a party this saturday and he said there will be a fashion show. LOL. I went into Levi's (despite my preference over Uniqlo) thinking I wanted an All-American look for the party (still have to find a good denim shorts/pants though).

So, anyway, when I got home, I thought, hey, maybe ASOS will have some nice graphic printed tees available. The positive on it is some items are not readily accessible in SG, so, they will be unique in a sense (I hope). I ended up buying:

lol. something close to a Kenzo Tiger Print - a Lion hahaha

something white as I think I only have 2. i prefer grey or black for plain

New toms to replace an old pair from Lacoste that's seen better days

And something for dress down fridays

I had a feel good realization from after going through more than 20+ items I liked but not available in my size. It's been a little over two years when I was buying size L. Now, I get size XS. :-)

I can see the appeal now of online shopping. It's not the first venture though to online fashion shopping. The first time I bought stuff from ASOS, i bought socks and underwear :)

Not necessarily necessary to spend, but it's a stress reliever.

CH178: Threading the Water

Walking the thin fine line between black and white - of the dark and the light - of the issues and salvation.
....


The Conjuring
I scared myself last night - ending up having to sleep with the bedside lamp on. How did I end up doing that? If you want to have a similar experience, you can try the following:
1. Watch The Conjuring - although the film was scary in itself, there were some funny moments watching the exorcism part. A lot of times during the film, I got startled to the point where my feet jumped off the floor (while seated).
2. Recall how before your wardrobe opens by itself sometimes (loose hinges maybe)
3. Look up top your wardrobe and imagine a demon/ghost there watching down on you (my wardrobe is beside the bed)
4. While tucking yourself in, think about how it would feel like when you wake up to your leg getting pulled
5. Think how it will be to smell something rotten beside you
6. Think how in the darkness you might wake up and feel and see a presence by the corner
...
I ended up sleeping all covered up in the blanket - in my usual curled up fetal position, with the lights turned on. Sleep was sound. Although I enjoyed the feeling of the scare.

Threading the Water
I've never had a stigma to seeing a shrink before. I've never thought I would need one. The only thing that maybe I did consider then was that if we consider shrinks as intellectuals and that the personal discussions (despite being personal) were intellectual - that I might have some problem agreeing with their logical conclusion differing from mine.

But yes, feeling like a true New Yorker or whatever the sh*t stereotype would fit, I have met with somebody to discuss my personal issues with. Objective - that's what I could say how the discussion went. I actually did enjoy just blabbing and blabbing (like I usually do), and having someone help sort them out for me (not that my mind or personal life is a mess). And no, I'm not depressed or suicidal FYI.

It's enlightening and at the same time humbling when you realize there are other issues that exists in life. That you might not be aware that the feelings youre feeling and that the thoughts you are thinking and the experiences you are experiencing - could have clinical terms to them. :-)

I somehow think that seeing a shrink is some sort of "passage rite" like "Welcome to the Real World F*cker!". Haha just kidding. It just makes me wonder how come, these shrinks are more available/open to acceptance in 1st world countries - unlike in the Philippines. Or maybe that's just me or the social stigma attached in the Philippines to shrinks. But yes, it's a passage rite to understanding more of myself. I think I owe to my (eventual) 30 years old persona to have more understanding of myself.

Like threading the water of my mind, I can just have someone else row the boat for me while I...just talk, share, analyze and reflect. And of course, the actions come after. The road to self discovery...lol

[Random] Familiar Tunes

*beep*
*beep*

The all so familiar tune of phone alerts.
In the wee hours of the morning, I woke to the sounds.
I resolved myself to fix my notifications setting.
I can't lose sleep over other's restlessness.

*beep*

Creatures of the night come prowling.
Longing. Anticipating. Seeking.
Hoping. Hoping for attention.
Finding. Finding affirmation.

*beep*

The process has begun.
Patterns need to be broken.
For all that's over needs to be over.
The hunt has begun.

*beep*

The hunter and the hunted.
The prey and the predator.
What are we all in this world -
But creatures awaiting validation.