[Random] Confines (n)

Self righteous uptight bigots

morality and

religion make, yes?

[Random] Undesirable

A different perspective: Undesirable (October 27, 2014)

The cold air blows past his face
His grown hair fluttering, dancing
His eyes are closed
His mind deep in thought

By the balcony, outside he stands
He is shielded away from the quiet
The music, blaring the beat
Pacing the rhythm, stirring emotions

He opens an app on his phone
A profile, last online 12 mins ago
Cute, good looking, he messages
Hoping for a reply, maybe

An ember glows as he inhales
Exhales, then a stream of smoke
He flicks the cigarette
Ash like snow, light and flitting

He feels the buzz of his phone
Opens the app from earlier
Nothing. Phantom vibrations
The person he messaged - Online

Several sent messages, no response
Ignored, overlooked, insecure
A gnawing desperation
Undesirable

[Random] I am

I am (October 14, 2014)

I am desire

Image objectified

Lusted for

I am fantasy

Dreams embodied

Wishes fulfilled

I am wrath

Equality purveyed 

Justice served

I am ambition

Soaring high

Goals attained

I am free

Free to love

Free to be

I am, I

Not yours

My own

-----
The above sort of expressionism was inspired by the Chanel Spring+Summer 2015 show I saw last week.

[Random] Unencumbered

Unencumbered (04/08/2014)

At the precipice of contemplation,
I realized with striking clarity,
that I have moved on from you,
From us, from my loss.

My heart has been mended.
The despair and confusion,
Antiquated feelings like spindly cobwebs,
Swiped clean as frail as they are.

I stared out onto the night.
The neighboring buildings blinking,
On and Off, On and off -
Signs of life and movement.

I spin with the world
As it rotates and orbits around the sun.
Immobility by emotional distress -
A somber concept by romantics and poets.

I hear the distant breeze.
I inhale deep and breathe out,
A sigh of freedom and relief.
The burden is completely gone.

I recall seeing your picture together.
No envy, no jealousy, no remorse, no anger
There was nothing. Absolutely nothing.
"Oh, they look good together."

My phone sounds as a message comes in.
I smile. "It's you. What a coincidence."
I do not bother to reply.
Swipe to the left, delete. Time for bed.

[Random] Threesome

Note: Written to shake off my agitation as shared on  CH232: Contemplation on Starting Over

Threesome (28/07/2014)

Under the covers, warm, satisfied, tired.

I hear the deep breathing resound,

Echoing solemnly in this darkness.

I wondered, "how did I get here again?"

--------------------

The elevator sounded, "Ding!", 22nd floor.

I step out onto the familiar foyer.

The doors open as I was taking my shoes off.

I was offered a seat, a Negroni right in front.

"Try it." It's a cocktail originating a century ago.

I sip and my face showed my opinion of it.

"It's a developed taste," you say

I smiled, the aftertaste was good, lingering.

--------------------

The bed sheet shuffles as you turn to face me.

Heat emanating from the bodies in bed,
Magnified by the warmth of togetherness.

Soon, the bed sheet shuffles some more.

--------------------

The feeling of being welcomed, accepted, appreciated.

A toast with the second round of drinks.

Espresso martinis made fresh, how fancy.

"Cheers to your future. To Australia!" Clink.

I think I prefer this drink more than the first.

I smiled innocently, enjoying the company.

"You've got great teeth!" "Thank you!"

"You're very sweet, cute and sexy."

--------------------

I hear a bit of snoring go on for a bit.

"Why am I still awake?" My thoughts inquire.

A hand caresses my face then moves to my back.

As the hand goes down my spine, the sheets shuffle.

--------------------

I was genuinely captivated, enthralled.

The conversation was flowing naturally.

I noticed to myself how a couple of years back,

This situation would have made me stutter.

I smile, contemplating thoughts in my head.

I caress your arms, your face, as your head rests on my lap 
I think: I like this new me - this confidence.

I smell coffee. The next round of martinis arrive.

--------------------

I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep.

I woke as you turned. I opened my eyes as you stirred.

"Good morning!" And then the sheets were off.

Lying between the two of you, I smiled.

[Random] Despair

Despair (17/07/2014)

What could be sadder than a forgotten existence?

I held your head close to my chest, by my beating heart.

As the tears continued to stream down my face,

I screamed to the heavens, wailed hysterical.

Too soon, I say. Much too soon.

What could be sadder than an experience unfulfilled?

Nipped too early, ours was love never to bloom.

I glanced a look at your usually vibrant face.

Gone are your gleaming eyes, replaced by an empty barren gaze.

Lost! Your blonde hair turned auburn, caked by your own blood.

What could be sadder than a loved one lost?

Bathe in your blood that warms me from the cold spring air,

I whisper into your ear that will never hear:

I love you, I'm sorry, I love you

I'm sorry, but life without you is a life not worth living.

What could be sadder than a man who has lost everything?

As I feel the light drops of rain from the night sky wash the blood away,

I take the revolver lying beside you and point it to my head.

I wrap a finger around the trigger and BOOM!

Darkness. What could be sadder?

[Random] Forlorn

Forlorn (14/07/2014)

In the vastness of this grassland,

I find myself alone with thoughts of you.

Anxious, restless, the thoughts swirl on.

Will you ever come back to this place we swore on?

The grass rustle as a light gale sweeps past.

I suddenly realize how cold I feel.

Void of warmth and full of longing,

I remember our last embrace, our last kiss.

We swore four months back to meet at this spot.

Swore on love eternal - till death do us part.

I notice the sun has almost set on the horizon.

Time takes away the light as it does my hope.

I look around and listen as the night comes alive.

I sigh and see the breath of mist I exhale.

Another day has gone and still no you.

Will tomorrow come again and then I'll see you?

[Random] Familiar Tunes

*beep*
*beep*

The all so familiar tune of phone alerts.
In the wee hours of the morning, I woke to the sounds.
I resolved myself to fix my notifications setting.
I can't lose sleep over other's restlessness.

*beep*

Creatures of the night come prowling.
Longing. Anticipating. Seeking.
Hoping. Hoping for attention.
Finding. Finding affirmation.

*beep*

The process has begun.
Patterns need to be broken.
For all that's over needs to be over.
The hunt has begun.

*beep*

The hunter and the hunted.
The prey and the predator.
What are we all in this world -
But creatures awaiting validation.

CH155: Dust

To say the least, we have about reached our conclusions.

The world continues to move.

Time, the faithful assassin, creeps on.

Today, we went out with nothing in particular planned. We first went to West Coast Park thinking we could just go and cycle around the park. But, apparently, the place sucks and does not have any bicycle rentals. I suggested we just head off to Vivo City. That way I could buy new underwear, some socks, and a shirt and shorts I can use for today and tomorrow given that I didnt pack any overnight stuff.

We cycled leisurely around Sentosa - went to Sentosa Cove and enjoyed the scenery and the beautiful houses in what I would say is one of the most expensive places to live in. We even went and biked up a mountain path all the way to where people went down on zip lines. I would say that RPM lessons in Fitness First in a way did prepare me for that challenge. Nothing will compare though to the difficulty and challenge in the Pulau Ubin bicycle trails (CH151: Pulau Ubin Bike Challenge).

After cycling around, we decided to stop by and laze by the beach side in Azzura Beach Club - to get some sun and swim by the beach/pool. Almost through the day, we argued - and argued.

In conclusion and summary I write a haiku.

Dust

Emotions at high.

Amidst the billowing dust

We have walked away.